


Remember what I told you

by Junliet



Category: Figure Skating RPF
Genre: Abuse, Angst, Assault, Character Death, Child Abuse, Fluff, Gun Violence, Heartbreak, Hospitals, I'm not entirely sure, Kidnapping, M/M, just in case, knife shoes appreciation society, will update as I go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-01-29
Updated: 2019-02-15
Packaged: 2019-10-18 23:50:53
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 18
Words: 36,898
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17590775
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Junliet/pseuds/Junliet
Summary: “I know he was born two weeks ago, but have you two chosen a name yet?” their doctor asked gently. Yuzuru and Javier exchanged a look and nodded.“Jun Hwan.”“In that case,” the doctor smiled at the family, “welcome to the world, Jun Hwan Hanyu-Fernandez.”In which Jun is Yuzuru and Javier's child, debuting at the senior level. His parents protected him from the media, but they can't protect him from everyone forever. The Hanyu-Fernandez family realises just how much damage fans can doThis used to be called The Price of Fame and Insane Fans. I changed the name because this one fits better





	1. The prologue

**Author's Note:**

> THIS IS NOT FLUFFY  
> REPEAT, THIS IS NOT FLUFFY  
> PEOPLE WILL DIE  
> DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A FLUFFY FAMILY FIC
> 
> Are they gone? Okay.  
> This will get darker as it goes along. You have been warned. Don't get invested in anyone cause something bad might happen to them. I don't know what inspired this, but enjoy it anyway!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I know he was born two weeks ago, but have you two chosen a name yet?” their doctor asked gently. Yuzuru and Javier exchanged a look and nodded.  
> “Jun Hwan.”  
> “In that case,” the doctor smiled at the family, “welcome to the world, Jun Hwan Hanyu-Fernandez.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> THIS IS NOT FLUFFY  
> REPEAT, THIS IS NOT FLUFFY  
> PEOPLE WILL DIE  
> DO NOT READ THIS IF YOU ARE LOOKING FOR A FLUFFY FAMILY FIC
> 
> Are they gone? Okay.  
> This will get darker as it goes along. You have been warned. Don't get invested in anyone cause something bad might happen to them. I don't know what inspired this, but enjoy it anyway!!

After Yuzuru Hanyu won his second Olympic gold medal and third world championship, he decided it was time to hang up his boots competitively. He’d achieved so much in figure skating, having broken multiple world records, won two back to back Olympic gold, and had landed the quad axel for the first time at the World Championships, that he decided he would have no regrets looking back. Javier hung up his boots competitively too when he won his seventh European Championships gold in a row, and the two finally moved in together properly in Toronto. They chose to stay in Canada as Brian offered Javier work as a coach, and Yuzuru was getting requests to be a choreographer all the time. They got married in Canada, and renewed their vows in Spain so Javier’s family could attend the ceremony, Yuzuru’s family went to the Canadian ceremony instead, and they soon started talking about taking the next step with their family.

“We should have a baby.” Yuzuru said softly as he and Javier cuddled on their sofa together. Effie was curled up between them, nosing at Yuzuru’s notebook as he came up with choreography for one of Brian’s students and jotted his ideas down.

“Well Cari, I saw something in the Canadian news that may interest you.” Javier slid him the newspaper cutting, and Yuzuru scanned it, looking up at Javier to check he’d actually understood what he was trying to say.

“You mean we…?”

“We could do this. Combine our DNA, use a host mother, and have a baby that’s our genetic material.”

Yuzuru hugged Javier so tightly that the Spanish coach joked that Yuzuru had given him asthma too.

The procedure wasn’t erotic or elegant in anyway, and the journey wasn’t easy. Their baby wasn’t patient it seemed, and their poor surrogate went into labour at twenty-six weeks. Yuzuru and Javier were called, but only one was allowed in the room with her. Yuzuru all but shoved Javier in, sitting outside the room and fiddling with his hands frantically.

Half an hour after they arrived, Javier stepped out, pale. Yuzuru’s heart dropped and he reached for Javier’s clammy hand, squeezing it.

“Javi?”

“He’s been born. They’ve… He’s in intensive care though. Breathing issues.”

Yuzuru nodded, squeezing his husband’s hand lightly. “Bet he got them from me.”

Javier gave him a weak smile before he hugged Yuzuru tightly. “Our baby… He… He struggled so much to take his first breath.”

“It’s okay.” Yuzuru whispered, cupping his husband’s cheeks and peppering his face lightly with kisses. “It’s okay. He’ll fight through. He’s our son. He will do it.”

Javier nodded, looking at Yuzuru. “We need to decide on a name.”

Yuzuru blushed a little before he chuckled. “Don’t laugh, but at Olympics I researched Korean names.”

Javier raised an eyebrow at him but let him continue talking.

“I found some cute ones for boys. I haven’t met him yet, so I don’t know if they will suit him, but maybe we could call him Jun Hwan?”

“What does it mean?”

“Jun means talented or handsome in Korean, and Hwan means shining, lustrous, brilliant. Like a medal.”

Javier nodded, squeezing his hand. “That sounds perfect Yuzu.”

The doctor stepping out cut them both off.

“She’s fine,” Javier let out a sigh of relief, “but the baby is still struggling to breathe. We’re doing all we can for him, but he might not make it past one if he gets out of here at all.”

Yuzuru covered his mouth quickly, unable to properly hold back his sob, and Javier’s hand tightened around his waist slightly. “Can… Can we see him?”

The doctor nodded, giving them a very small smile. “This way.”

Yuzuru hated hospitals at the best of times, but being in the ward full of sick children broke his heart completely. They were led into a room full of incubators, and Yuzuru stopped breathing for a second.

There, in the incubator, lay the smallest baby Yuzuru had ever seen. The poor thing had tubes everywhere, giving it oxygen and other things it would need. The doctor gestured into the incubator.

“He’s just about breathing now with help, but we’ve got to watch him. He could develop pneumonia if we’re not careful. His lungs don’t have the proper surfactant, and so they could collapse. We’re doing everything we can, I promise.”

Yuzuru and Javier just nodded mutely, staring at their child. Yuzuru wanted nothing more than to reach in and stroke his head, kiss his forehead gently, whisper to him in Japanese, tell him that everything was going to be okay, but he couldn’t.

Two weeks later, Yuzuru and Javier came to the hospital to find their doctor smiling at them happily. He pointed to his clipboard with a bright grin.

“Good news today. He’s been doing a lot better, and he’s finally started breathing unassisted, so we think you can hold him today.”

They all but sprinted into the hospital and up to the ward. There he was, lying still as normal, but Yuzuru could see that he looked healthier, even in the short time frame. The doctor very carefully picked up their baby and held him out to the pair. Javier took him first, bouncing him lightly as Yuzuru leaned his head on Javier’s shoulder.

Their baby blinked open, large brown eyes that matched Javier’s perfectly, and their baby then tilted his head at them. Yuzuru reached out tentatively and stroked his cheek, smiling as their baby held his fingers gently.

“Hey there little man.” Javier said softly, like he was talking to Effie. “Hey there. We’re your new Dads.”

Yuzuru could hardly believe what he was seeing. Tears welled up in his eyes as their baby made a quiet gurgling noise at the back of his throat.

“Welcome to the world, fourteen weeks early. I know we’re two weeks late to welcome you.” Yuzuru chuckled a little as their baby couldn’t care less about what he was saying.

“I know he was born two weeks ago, but have you two chosen a name yet?” their doctor asked gently. Yuzuru and Javier exchanged a look and nodded.

“Jun Hwan.”

“In that case,” the doctor smiled at the family, “welcome to the world, Jun Hwan Hanyu-Fernandez.”

“What are you grinning about, Dad?” Yuzuru looked up from his cup of green tea and his choreography notes to see his son towering above him in skates. Yuzuru chuckled and cuddled his son to his chest.

“Just thinking about when you were born.”

Jun rolled his eyes and laughed. “Dad, that was nearly seventeen years ago!”

“And I’ll never ever forget it. Do you have everything? Change of clothes?”

“Yes Dad.”

“Costumes?”

“Yes Dad. I’m not Papa.”

Yuzuru chuckled. “Skates?”

Jun held up his suit case. “I promise I’m all set. And we’re in Vancouver anyway; it’s not like we’re in South Korea or something. And you and Papa are coming in a few days to watch the Autumn Classic.”

“Inhaler?” Yuzuru asked, eyebrows raised. Jun held up his separate medical bag.

“I’m all set, I promise.”

Yuzuru pulled him in for a tight hug. “Did you say goodbye to Papa?”

“Yes Dad.” Jun said, voice muffled by Yuzuru’s shoulder. “All that’s left to do is get the flight.”

“Alright.” Yuzuru kissed the top of his head and smiled when he saw Brian coming over. “Be good for Brian!”

“You never were.” Brian pointed out before he smiled to Jun. “Passport?”

“Right here! See you in a few days Dad!”

“See you soon!” Yuzuru waved at him, swallowing the lump in his throat down as he watched his baby leave for his first international senior competition.


	2. Practice before the Autumn Classic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I think you inherited your quad salchow from your father and your quad toe from the other father.” Brian said with a little chuckle. Jun laughed and elbowed him lightly.
> 
> “Yeah, but I want to do the quad flip next.” Brian groaned, covering his face.
> 
> “You know, I got a good seven years to grow my hair back from when your dads retired from competition until you came to train with me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter does contain a little bit of fluff, but I swear this isn't a fluffy fic! Trust me with this.
> 
> Here we have Jun practicing ready for his first senior competition, and some cute time with him, Brian and Tracy. Sorry it's so short; the chapters will be a bit longer.

“Your technique is really good,” Brian commented, leaning on the boards. “I’m glad you decided just to stick with the two quads at the moment. The others might be doing more, but focusing on not getting hurt and on consistency is more important.”

Jun took a drink from his water bottle, nodding slowly as he did so. “Toe and sal are good and reliable.”

“I think you inherited your quad salchow from your father and your quad toe from the other father.” Brian said with a little chuckle. Jun laughed and elbowed him lightly.

“Yeah, but I want to do the quad flip next.” Brian groaned, covering his face.

“You know, I got a good seven years to grow my hair back from when your dads retired from competition until you came to train with me.”

“You didn’t have to accept.” Jun pointed out with a grin. “So, what should I focus on mostly this session?”

“Your jumps are looking solid, so I’d focus on making sure your step sequence is solid too, especially that clock bit.”

Jun nodded, tucking his hair behind his ears a little before he skated away from the barrier. He had a day before his parents arrived and the short programme began to get in some final preparations. Choosing the Autumn Classic was a stroke of genius by Brian though, as most of the world’s best skaters weren’t attending. They instead would be preparing for the Grand Prix series, and so competitions like this were perfect for just turned Seniors like Jun to gain experience and confidence.

“Isn’t he Yuzuru Hanyu and Javier Fernandez’s son?” Jun caught the end of a conversation and froze, looking over at the guy who had made the comment so casually. The weight of the words wasn’t felt by anyone except him, and sometimes Brian.

“Don’t let that put you off. He was a junior last year. You’ve got experience he doesn’t yet,” the guy’s coach told him, and Jun shook his head quickly to clear his thoughts. He was here for himself and for his own experience, not to be daunted by the competition. Skating over to Brian, his coach understood everything without him needing to say a word.

“I think we’re done here. Tell you what, Tracy can come out with us this evening. We can go out for dinner tonight since your dads won’t be here until tomorrow, and then you can get an early night.” Brain suggested as he handed Jun his skate guards. The youngster slipped them on and nodded, collecting his Team Canada jacket.

“Sounds good. Just let me shower and get changed and everything first.”

Brian nodded and smiled at him. “Should we meet you in the foyer in two hours’ time?”

“Sounds perfect.” Jun agreed.

In his hotel room, Jun flopped onto the bed and lay there for a solid five minutes, before he finally summoned up the energy to swap his plastic blade guards for soakers. He showered and changed into a big jumper he’d stolen from his Papa years ago as well as some jeans that they’d had specially altered for him. Like his Dad, Jun was ridiculously skinny, and being very tall as well meant that finding clothes that fit him was a nightmare. He could never buy clothes directly off the rack, especially not jeans. Picking up his phone, he couldn’t help but smile at the text he got.

_Papa: One of your fans saw us on the way home today. Image_

Jun burst out laughing at the selfie his dads had taken with the fan. She was holding up a board saying “Good luck Jun!” on it to the camera and was beaming brightly. Javier and Yuzuru were next to her, with Javier taking the photo and Yuzuru making the peace sign over his eye and smiling.

_Jun: You and Dad look so happy. Can’t wait to see you tomorrow x_

_Papa: Neither can we. I hope Tracy and Brian are taking care of you_

_Jun: They are, I promise_

_Papa: Love you x_

_Jun: Love you too x_

Jun grinned at his phone before he tucked it into his jeans pocket and made his way down to the foyer. Tracy hugged him gently before she and Brian took him out to an Italian restaurant down the street.

“So, how are you feeling for tomorrow?” Brian asked gently as Jun idly twirled tagliatelle around his fork, thinking.

“I’m nervous,” he admitted, “but also excited. This is my first big competition and I’m excited!”

“You’ll do great. You’ve put so much work in, and your quads are consistent now.” Tracy said, touching the table top lightly. “Touch wood.”

Jun poked at his food, nodding slowly as a sick feeling spread through him. Although the people at the rink hadn’t explicitly said it, he knew what they were thinking.

_If you’re the son of two of the greatest figure skaters in history, you should prove it. Even if you’re straight out of juniors, that doesn’t matter. Your father won a gold medal at the world championships at seventeen. You should be able to do the same. Prove that you’re worthy of having the last name of Hanyu-Fernandez._

“—Hwan?” Jun snapped out of his daze to see Tracy worriedly waving a hand in front of his face. “Are you alright?”

Jun nodded, sliding out of his chair. “I um… I have to use the bathroom.” He all but ran to the bathroom in the restaurant and pulled his phone out, thumb hovering over a familiar contact. He decided against it, locking his device before he washed his face in the sink and looked at himself in the mirror.

“Brian said you don’t have to prove anything tomorrow. You are your own skater and you don’t have to live up to anything. Dad is Dad, Papa is Papa, and you are you. You do not have to be either of them. You are your own person.”

After his little pep talk, he smiled to himself and stepped out into the restaurant again. If Brian and Tracy noticed anything different, they were polite enough not to say anything about it. They finished their meal and walked back to the hotel where Brian sent him back to his room.

“And don’t stay up all night gaming!”

Jun took a shower and then went almost straight to bed, pausing only to smile at the text Yuzuru had sent him.

_Dad: Best of luck for tomorrow! We’ll see you soon. We love you._

Jun then fell asleep with the smile playing on his lips.


	3. The Autumn Classic International

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Surprise!” Jun grinned, hugging both of his parents in the foyer of the rink. They’d been waiting for him to arrive for hours and he was overjoyed to see them.
> 
> “Nervous?” Javier asked softly. Jun nodded, head resting against Javier’s shoulder.
> 
> “A little.”
> 
> “You have no reason to be.” Yuzuru said, ruffling his hair lightly. “Trust your training.”
> 
> “Hey!” Brian said, shaking his head with a large grin on his face. “That’s my line!”
> 
> “Clearly you saying it for years to us has had an effect.” Javier chuckled with a cheeky grin.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Enjoy this chapter! The plot starts properly at the end of this chapter (yay!). Also, Jun likes foxes now, because why not?
> 
> Comments are welcomed, especially ones with suggestions because I know pretty much where this is going, but not most of the details
> 
> Anyway, enjoy!

“Surprise!” Jun grinned, hugging both of his parents in the foyer of the rink. They’d been waiting for him to arrive for hours and he was overjoyed to see them.

“Nervous?” Javier asked softly. Jun nodded, head resting against Javier’s shoulder.

“A little.”

“You have no reason to be.” Yuzuru said, ruffling his hair lightly. “Trust your training.”

“Hey!” Brian said, shaking his head with a large grin on his face. “That’s my line!”

“Clearly you saying it for years to us has had an effect.” Javier chuckled with a cheeky grin. “Alright Sweetheart, we’re going to leave you to your coach before someone recognises your dad.”

Yuzuru tugged his face mask higher up over his nose and tugged down his beanie. “Don’t want to distract from you. You are the competitor. We are just like every other fan watching.”

Jun chuckled, shaking his head a little before he gave each of them a kiss and then a wave. Following Brian, he entered the rink and the atmosphere changed completely.

The six-minute warm up was a disaster if Jun had ever seen one. It wasn’t just him either; everyone was popping jumps and falling around him. After his third failed quad salchow attempt, he made his way over to Brian.

“Don’t push it. If it’s not working now, let it go. You’ve got time to clear your head before your short. Practice your spins instead to boost your confidence.”

Jun pushed away from the boards, nodding as he did. All the other competitors in the group shot him looks that Jun couldn’t understand, but he pushed it out of his mind, focusing on his spin positions and getting the levels.

“Gentlemen, the warm up has ended. Please make your way off the ice.”

Jun stepped off, collecting his guards from Brian before he moved away from the side of the ice further back to get into the mental zone. He was skating fifth in this group, so he did have time to get it together. He listened to his music over and over, bounced up and down to keep himself warm, tossed his ball against the wall repeatedly and caught it, did anything he could to keep himself focused. Too soon for his liking, Brian placed a gentle hand on his shoulder.

“The scores please for Vincent Zhou. Vincent Zhou of the United States of America has earned in the short programme78.14 points. He is currently in first place.”

Jun did his best to ignore the words of outrage coming from the kiss and cry and instead tried to focus on Brian. He had seconds at most and, if he was sitting where Vincent was, he would have been very happy with 78.14, especially with an underrotated quad lutz in his combination and a hand down on the triple toe following it.

“Remember to have fun out there.” Brian said, patting him on the shoulder before he shook his hand. “You’ve worked so hard, so do your best.”

Jun nodded and started skating around the rink, pushing into his edges deeply as he built up his speed.

“On the ice, representing Canada, Jun Hwan Hanyu-Fernandez!”

Jun raised his arms, waving to the crowd before he took a deep breath and steadied himself at the centre of the rink.

_This is it Jun._

The opening notes of Prokofiev calmed him down, and he found his body acted without him really thinking about it too much. The opening quad salchow was like butter, and he could practically feel his Papa’s pride from the audience. His warm up was thoroughly knocked out of his mind as he moved on, executing his triple-triple combination cleanly and beautifully before he entered his flying camel spin. All the work he’d done on his spins in the warm up was worth it, and he loved every second of the spin, especially the layover position. He and Brian had decided to include it after he’d watched a Yuna performance for inspiration.

Next was his triple axel in the second half, and, when he landed it, Jun could practically feel his other dad’s approval and pride resonating across the rink to him. All his jumps were beautiful and precise. He then entered his change of foot sit spin right on the music. With a smile, he started his step sequence and threw himself into it emotionally, remembering the clock action partway through that he’d suggested to Brian. The step sequence passed like a dream, and, before he could really register it, he was in his upright position, finishing his change of foot combination spin. He struck his ending pose and the crowd went wild.

Jun Hwan smiled at the crowd and made eye contact with Brian, getting a thumbs up. He took his bows and waved to the crowd, scooping up a big pile of toys to help the young ladies clearing the ice too. One of them very shyly handed him a Winnie the Pooh teddy and he gave her a hug, chuckling.

“That was fantastic.” Brian said with a grin, hugging him before he handed him his skate guards to put on. “Really, that was so good. Very well done.”

Jun grinned at his coach and they made their way to the Kiss and Cry. He had the Pooh toy sitting on his lap as well as several bunches of flowers a group of Korean ladies had tossed to him.

“The only slight issue they might have is that lutz edge, but we can work on that later. Seriously, you should be proud of that skate. It was excellent, especially for a first skate of the season and the first skate as a Senior.”

Jun grinned at him and nodded. “I kind of just forgot I was competing.” He said honestly. Brian clapped him on the back.

“That’s one of the best ways to skate. Just skating with passion and without the pressure of competition. This should be good.”

“The scores please.” Jun held the flowers closer, swallowing thickly. He hadn’t thought about this part of the event yet. “Jun Hwan Hanyu-Fernandez has earned in the short programme 74.86. He is currently in second place.”

Jun grinned at Brian brightly, unable to contain his excitement. With only one more skater to go, Jun was going to be in the top three when all was said and done.

In the end, Michal Brezina went into first with a score of 79.57, pushing Jun down into third. He didn’t care. He was in the top three after his short programme at his first ever senior event. His parents pulled him into a tight hug, and Yuzuru pulled several tissues from Pooh to wipe at his eyes.

“You were beautiful out there.” Yuzuru said, dabbing at his eyes. “Honestly, that axel was so impressive. The height on it was amazing. You could go for the quad if you ever really wanted to.”

“Speaking of the quad, that salchow was phenomenal.” Javier said, squeezing Jun’s hand. “We’re so very proud of you for doing so well.”

Jun hugged both of his dads again tightly, burying his face in their chests. Javier and Yuzuru pulled him in closer, smiling a little.

“After the warm up, I was so worried I’d let you down.” He confessed. Javier pulled back and looked him dead in the eyes.

“Sweetheart. You are our son and we love you so much. We love you more than anything. We would be proud of you no matter what. You could never let us down.”

“I hate to break up the cute moment,” the three of them turned to see Brian, “but they’re waiting on you for the draw for the order tomorrow.”

Jun blushed, picking up his stuff when the small Pooh he’d been given by the flower girl fell off his skating suitcase. He handed it to Yuzuru quickly.

“The flower girl gave me this. I think she wanted me to give it to you.”

Yuzuru chuckled and gave him a kiss on the forehead. “Go on. We’ll meet you at the hotel later.”

Jun followed Brian to where they were doing the draw for the skating order the next day and he sat down, fiddling with his phone case, half paying attention. When they called his name, he went up and drew number 17. So, he’d be the second to last to go, following Zhou again and followed by Brezina once more.

“Alright skaters, we wish you all the best tomorrow for the free skate.” The organiser of the event said gently. Most skaters dispersed pretty quickly, but Jun turned to look for Brian.

“What do you want me to do overnight?”

“Get a good night’s rest, and enjoy the time with your parents. You don’t have to worry about anything.” Brian patted his shoulder firmly with a smile. “Come on. Let’s go back to the hotel.”

Jun followed him, ready to fall into bed and sleep, but his parents insisted on taking him out for dinner. Once again, they ended up in the Italian restaurant, and Jun spent half the meal pushing his pasta around his plate.

“What’s wrong Sweetheart?” Yuzuru asked gently, reaching over the table to hold his hand. “You can talk to us you know.”

“Did I really deserve 32 in my performance score?” He asked, looking up at both his parents. “I thought I did everything right, but 32 just… I don’t know. I didn’t want to cause a fuss in the Kiss and Cry because Brian looked really happy with the score, and I am too because it’s great for my first time at a Senior competition, but 32?”

Javier took his other hand gently. “Brian explained this to me a while ago. Every judge does their homework before coming to an event Sweetheart. They’ll have had a mark in their head, and next time they’ll have a different mark in their head. This is your transitioning step, this event, and next time they’ll have eights and nines in mind before you even start to skate rather than sixes and sevens.”

Jun squeezed his dads’ hands lightly and smiled down into his plate of pasta. “You know just what to say.”

“I learnt from the best.” Javier said with a chuckle. “And you’ll do great in the free tomorrow. I know you will.”

“And if they underscore you, I will personally go and make sure they know what’s what.” Yuzuru said firmly, earning a snort of laughter from Javier and a little chuckle from Jun Hwan.

That evening, his parents gave him a kiss on the forehead in the hotel foyer before they sent him up to his room. Up in his room, Jun took another shower and all but passed out as soon as his head hit the pillow. The short programme had taken a lot out of him.

The next day, Jun all but bounced his way through the morning and the six-minute warm up was a dream this time. He was ready, and he properly felt it this time.

“Trust your training.” Brian said with a bright smile as Jun shook hands with him at the boards.

“Vincent Zhou has earned, in the free programme, 142.90, a new season’s best. He is currently in first place.”

Vincent swore loudly and his coach didn’t look happy either. Jun ignored him as he skated around the rink, deep into his edges as he did. Nothing would burst his bubble from today. Nothing.

“On the ice, representing Canada, Jun Hwan Hanyu-Fernandez.”

Jun raised his arms before he settled into his starting position. The music started and he parted his arms, running through the steps. He felt the adrenaline as he thundered down the rink, throwing caution to the wind as he did his quad toe loop. He landed and felt the rush, grinning to himself. Getting his focus back, he carried on to the Romeo and Juliet music and took off his quad salchow. He landed it a little short but stayed on his feet, smiling to himself as he kept on going through the elements. His triple-triple combination was again a dream; the lutz edge that normally gave him some trouble was behaving at this competition. Then came the step sequence as the music changed. Jun could almost feel the glares of the judges on his back, but he couldn’t bring himself to care. He was enjoying himself too much as he took off around the rink, projecting a new, 21st century version of Romeo to the back of the arena. His flying camel spin was great, and his choreographic sequence was flawless. His triple axel double toe combination was as smooth as water, well into the second half at this point. His triple sal on the end of the flip and Euler combination was a little under rotated, but the two tiny errors were the only problems he’d had in the skate. His loop was effortless, and he held his hands up in distress as Leonard de Caprio screamed for Juliet. He entered his penultimate spin with a minor slip, the adrenaline of having landed his jumps beautifully a little too much for him. Exiting the spin, he mimed committing suicide before he entered the final spin. The arena was a blur when he finally stopped and let his head fall back as the music ended too.

The audience were on their feet, screaming for him. He covered his face, flattening his hair somewhat before he took his bows. He spotted his parents, waving madly at him with a homemade banner, and he helped the young ladies clear the gifts away again. Looking at Brian, he couldn’t hide his smile.

“That was incredible. If you don’t medal here, I’ll eat my own skate.” Brian said, handing Jun his blade guards. Jun laughed and slipped them on before he headed to the kiss and cry.

“There were a couple of jumps that were under,” Jun started, but Brian held up a hand.

“That’s for the technical panel to worry about. We’ll worry about them on Monday when we get back to the Club. For now, enjoy the fact that you did an amazing skate that you can be really proud of.”

Jun grinned and nodded, playing with the ears of the fox toy he’d been given by the Korean ladies. All too soon the announcer started to speak again.

“The scores please. Jun Hwan Hanyu-Fernandez has earned in the free programme…. 169.22 points. His total score is 244.08, and he is currently in first place.”

Jun gasped, covering his mouth in shock. He wasn’t just in first place; he was clear of Vincent by more than twenty points. The free skate score was insane, higher than anything he’d ever got before. Nothing he’d ever got before even came close to his free skate score. With only Brezina to go, he grinned to himself. The five-point gap between them was completely gone, and Brezina would have to do his absolute best to beat him.

As it turned out, Brezina did do his absolute best, and walked out of the Kiss and Cry with a score of 165.91, and a total of 245.48, a point above Jun. Jun was bouncing all around Brian, hardly able to contain his excitement.

“I got a medal!”

“You did!” Brian laughed and ruffled his hair. “And when we smooth out the kinks in the programmes, you’ll do even better, I know you will.”

During the medal ceremony, Jun couldn’t help but grin all the time. His dads were cheering for him so loudly, and he would have bet his silver medal that Dad was crying with Papa hugging him close. Jun waved to them when he was holding the Canadian flag, grinning brightly.

Getting to hug his parents was the very best part of the day, and showing them his Autumn Classic International silver made his heart swell. They both hugged him very tightly, whispering over and over again how proud they were of him. Jun went to bed that night content, and he felt like he could do anything.

The next morning, he woke up and checked his phone, ready to read through his social media. Instead, he found a text from Brian.

_Brian: Don’t go online or on social media for now. I’ve told your dads the same thing. Trust me, you don’t want to see what’s up there._


	4. Coming home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Hey,” Jun looked up and smiled at Vincent, forgetting that his smile was blocked by the mask, “I wanted to congratulate you on your performance yesterday. It was incredible.”
> 
> “Thank you,” Jun looked away a little shyly, brushing some of his hair out of his eyes. “Your quad lutz is so good. I wish I could land a quad like that.”
> 
> “You’ll get there.” Vincent said, patting his shoulder like an affectionate older brother would. “Your sal and toe are really good, and consistency is more important than having lots of big jumps.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's the chapter where people will probably start to understand how this story is going. Sorry Jun, I hope you all enjoy it!!

Jun locked his phone and got up, stretching out before he took a shower. He looped his black face mask over his nose and mouth before he stepped out of his room with his bags, ready to meet his parents in the foyer with them.

_Papa: We’ll be there very soon Cari x_

_Jun: See you soon Papa_

“Hey,” Jun looked up and smiled at Vincent, forgetting that his smile was blocked by the mask, “I wanted to congratulate you on your performance yesterday. It was incredible.”

“Thank you,” Jun looked away a little shyly, brushing some of his hair out of his eyes. “Your quad lutz is so good. I wish I could land a quad like that.”

“You’ll get there.” Vincent said, patting his shoulder like an affectionate older brother would. “Your sal and toe are really good, and consistency is more important than having lots of big jumps.”

“Says you.”

“I barely land half my quad lutzes.” Vincent pointed out as they walked together down to the main hall of the hotel to the foyer. “But I’ll get there. Once I’m consistent it’s all over for the top guys.”

“You are one of the top guys.” Jun pointed out with a chuckle. “But yeah, I want another quad. Patience is what my coach tells me.”

“Mine tells me “VINCENT! GET OFF YOUR ASS OR YOU’LL GET ICE ON IT!” She’s really good though, and she’s definitely helped me to improve.”

“Brian is great as well.” Jun said, stopping by the main doors. Yuzuru and Javier hadn’t arrived yet, but there were sofas and free Wi-Fi, so he would be fine. “He’s helped me so much already.”

Vincent patted his arm and looked around the foyer. “I’ve got to go, but take care, okay? What they’re saying isn’t true, and you earned that medal yourself, out of hard work. Don’t let them tell you otherwise.”

“Huh?” Jun blinked at him, brows furrowing in confusion. “What are you talking about?”

“I thought you had Instagram.”

“I do?”

“Have you checked it?”

“I… No, I haven’t. Brian told me not to go online right now.”

Vincent nodded. “Understandable. The world is blowing up right now. Some people say you didn’t deserve your score yesterday.” Jun’s frown deepened. “I think they’re wrong. You were great.” Don’t let them get you down.”

Jun nodded, giving Vincent a little smile before the other left to find his coach. He fiddled with his phone case, pressing the button to view his apps. He had five hundred notifications on Instagram. He didn’t dare press the app though, not after what Vincent just told him and what Brian messaged him.

“Jun!” He looked up to see Yuzuru running over. The older man pulled him into a hug, stroking his hair lightly. “Are you alright?”

“Yeah,” Jun breathed, hugging Yuzuru back. “Yeah, I’m okay. What’s happened? Brian told me not to look so I haven’t, but then I saw Vincent and he told me whatever it is isn’t true.”

“It’s not true. They’re being bitter.” Yuzuru whispered, planting a kiss on the crown of Jun’s head. “Anyway, Brian and your manager are sorting it out and are trying to get everything taken down. We just need to lie low for a little bit.”

“What is it that they’re talking about Dad?” Jun asked, and Yuzuru flinched visibly. “Dad?”

“I don’t know if it’s right to tell you.” Yuzuru whispered, looking around the room. “Brian doesn’t want you to know, and I don’t think Papa does either.”

“You know I can look for myself.”

“But you wouldn’t because you’re a good kid and you listen to your coach.” Yuzuru pointed out. He picked up two of Jun’s bags, leaving the rest for him. “Come on. Let’s go to the airport. We’re meeting Papa there.”

The airport was the same as always: Javier telling them they had way more time than they actually did, Yuzuru trying not to be mauled to death by any fans who spotted them, and Jun filming as much of the mess as he could. Javier successfully nearly made them miss their flight since he wanted a coffee, and Yuzuru took several photos with middle aged women. Part of the reason why Jun wore a face mask was to reduce the chances of him being recognised; Yuzuru did it too.

Once on the plane, Jun curled up in his seat with his random playlist on shuffle as he looked out of the window. The journey was about three and a half hours, plenty of time to catch up on sleep. With his earphones in and head resting against the seat, Jun let himself fall asleep.

“He’s asleep.” Javier whispered to Yuzuru, squeezing his husband’s hand.

“Poor Jun,” Yuzuru mumbled, shaking his head. “They’re just… They’re being awful about him because of us.”

“Because they think we rigged the scoring from in the stands.” Javier shook his head, looking back over at his sleeping sixteen-year-old baby. “He works so hard. Why can’t some fans just respect that?”

“He told me that Vincent spoke to him this morning.” Yuzuru mentioned. Javier stiffened.

“Oh yeah? What did he say?”

“Apparently he just told Jun whatever the people are saying isn’t true.”

“So, he didn’t tell them to stop saying it?” Javier commented, eyebrows raised.

“He’s only seventeen Javi. He’s not going to have media swing.”

“I suppose. At least he’s made it clear that he doesn’t feel that way.” Javier brushed some of Jun’s hair out of his eyes, covering him up in one of the blankets provided by the plane. “I wish I could just remove all the hate with one click you know.”

“I know.” Yuzuru said softly. “But fans don’t represent the skater. Remember some of my fans? I didn’t hate Nathan, but they still attacked him for things that weren’t his fault.”

“Sometimes fans need to learn boundaries.” Javier huffed, squeezing Yuzuru’s hand. “Still, Brian and his manager are great at this sort of thing. They’ll get it cleared up for Jun in no time.”

Yuzuru nodded slowly, holding his husband’s hand tightly as they watched a movie together, using Yuzuru’s headphone splitter and on Yuzuru’s screen since Javier’s wasn’t working properly. Jun slept soundly throughout the flight, only blinking awake when the stewardess made Javier lightly poke him to tell him they were going to land.

Once they’d sorted themselves out, got off the plane, collected Jun’s bags and had loaded them in the back of the family car, Jun grinned from the back of the car.

“Can we get McDonalds?” Jun asked.

“We have food at home.” Yuzuru said. Javier grinned a little as they set off towards their apartment. When they passed a McDonalds, Jun cheered when Javier pulled in.

“Yay! Thank you, Papa! I’d like a McFlurry!”

“Hi, what can I get you?” The woman through the speaker asked.

“A single black coffee.” Javier said, not breaking eye contact with Jun through the rear-view mirror.

“Top ten anime betrayals.” Jun grumbled, flopping back in his seat with his arms folded.

Javier collected his coffee with a grin, earning an eye roll from Yuzuru as they set off properly home. Jun unloaded his bags and carried them up to his room, tucking his suitcase with his skates under his bed. He hung up his costumes and started unpacking his other clothes, sorting his laundry from his clean clothes. Finally, he took his medal box and opened it, admiring the silver medal sitting against the silk of the box interior. He touched the cool metal, smiling. This was his. This was his medal that he himself had won and fought hard for. His first ever medal at the Senior Level. This was his and no one could take it away from him.

“Hey Dad, where do you want me to put this?” He walked out into the front room, holding up the box. His smile died when he saw both his fathers standing over the newspaper, pale. “Dad? Papa?”

Both flinched and Javier hid the paper behind him, beaming at Jun. “Why don’t you put it on your shelf in the cabinet Sweetheart?” He said softly, gesturing to the bottom shelf of their display cabinet with all Jun’s junior medals on it. The top shelf was Yuzuru’s, the two Olympic medals taking front and centre, and the middle shelf was Javier’s with the Olympic bronze sitting proudly in front of the seven European golds. Jun eyed the two suspiciously as he put his new Autumn Classic silver in the middle, between his Junior Grand Prix Bronze and his Junior Autumn Classic Gold, his other Grand Prix and Canadian Nationals medals sitting behind.

“What’s that?” Jun asked, pointing at the newspaper Javier was holding. His parents looked at each other and Yuzuru flinched. Jun frowned at them both. “Papa? Dad?”

“I don’t think you should see it.” Javier said. “It’s a Spanish paper and it isn’t… Well… It’s not—”

“Papa.” Jun held out a hand. Javier very reluctantly handed him the newspaper, looking away with almost broken eyes.

“I’m sorry.” Javier whispered, and Yuzuru pulled him into a hug, kissing his cheek softly and running a hand through his curls.

Jun could barely hear his father as the blood was pumping so loudly in his ears it blocked out the sounds of everything else. There, on the front, was a picture of him on the podium. He cursed his natural ability with languages; he was fluent in English, Spanish, and Japanese, and he was teaching himself Korean. Now, however, he wished he couldn’t understand a word of English. The headline glared at him, turning his stomach and making him sick.

“Jun Hwan Hanyu-Fernandez. Talent or nepotism?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Did anyone spot the McDonald's meme?


	5. The first incident

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Javier nodded, squeezing his hands gently. “I’m sorry they’re treating you like this. You know what the best thing to do would be, right?”
> 
> “What’s that?”
> 
> Javier grinned. “Do something your father never could. Win gold at Skate Canada.”
> 
> “Hey!” Yuzuru pouted and Javier grinned. Jun snorted at Yuzuru’s expression, shaking his head a little.
> 
> “Then I need to win at the Four Continents too.” Jun added to the teasing. Yuzuru threw his hands up in protest.
> 
> “My son and husband are bullying me. I need to find Sofia. She loves me.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I am so sorry for what happens to Jun here. Like, warnings for all the tags. This is, as the title suggests, the first incident. Things are going downhill for poor Jun after this.
> 
> I'd like to thank everyone who has been so supportive recently. Thank you guys; you inspire me to write more. So, in a weird way, enjoy this chapter? Or don't enjoy it? Thank you for coming to read it anyway, whether you enjoy it or not

Jun stared at the article in shock before Yuzuru all but ripped the newspaper out of his hands.

“What do they mean?” He asked meekly, looking between his dads. Javier led him over to the sofa, and he and Yuzuru sat him between them.

“I’m sorry. We never thought they’d do this sort of thing, but apparently the world and fans haven’t changed since we stopped competing. They’re saying that you only got your score yesterday because of us. Because we apparently swayed the judges, or because you’re our son and they’re marking you on our performances, and not yours, or something crazy.”

Yuzuru rubbed his shoulder gently, planting a kiss on the crown of his head. “It’s not true. Any of it. You worked hard and you earned that medal. You fought through and delivered a fabulous short programme and free skate, and you should be proud of them, not worrying about this sort of thing.”

“So that’s why Vincent told me that it isn’t true.” Jun mumbled, looking down at his hands. “He probably feels guilty, given that it’s mostly people who claim to be his fans who are saying this.”

Javier nodded, squeezing his hands gently. “I’m sorry they’re treating you like this. You know what the best thing to do would be, right?”

“What’s that?”

Javier grinned. “Do something your father never could. Win gold at Skate Canada.”

“Hey!” Yuzuru pouted and Javier grinned. Jun snorted at Yuzuru’s expression, shaking his head a little.

“Then I need to win at the Four Continents too.” Jun added to the teasing. Yuzuru threw his hands up in protest.

“My son and husband are bullying me. I need to find Sofia. She loves me.”

“She’s curled up on my bed next to Yeou.” Jun stuck his tongue out at his dad as he showed him the photo of the family tabby cat sleeping next to his fox tissue box cover. In a junior competition in Seoul, a fan had given it to him, speaking a mixture of English, Korean, and Japanese. Jun thanked her profusely and brought Yeou to competitions as much as he could.

“Even the animals don’t love me.” Yuzuru whined, curling up on the sofa again with his arms around Jun.

“Are you mad at us?” Javier asked softly. Jun froze, looking up very slowly to meet his dad’s worried brown eyes, almost certain that his father was seeing the same expression.

“Of course I’m not.” He breathed out, shaking his head quickly. “I could never be mad at you two. I love you both so much, and this isn’t anymore your fault than it is mine.”

Javier nodded, holding him close and tight for a moment before he sat up quickly. “Sofia! Oh God, I told her not to sleep on any of the beds! Your asthma—”

“We’ll take the meds tonight.” Yuzuru reassured Javier gently, rubbing his shoulder to calm him down. “Don’t worry. And we both have our inhalers. It’s okay. We’ll just have to remember to pick up some more meds.”

Jun stood up, stretching out his legs as he walked towards his room at the end of the hallway. “I’m going to finish my homework. I’m a bit behind.”

“Alright Sweetheart. We’ll come and get you when dinner’s ready.” Javier smiled, and Jun shut his bedroom door firmly, locking it behind him.

Plugging in his phone, Jun ignored the new Instagram messages and went instead to his instant messaging apps. Nam had sent him six messages, five of which included goofy selfies. The last one made Jun swallow hard and blink back tears.

_Nam: Hey Jun. I don’t know if you’ve read the other messages or been on social media yet, but don’t do it to yourself. I know it’s tempting, but seriously, don’t look. People are tearing you to shreds and it isn’t pretty. Just stay in the shadows for now and train hard. You’ve worked so hard and now it’s paying off. See you at Canadian Nationals. I hope you like the taste of silver :p_

Jun smiled a little, snapping a photo of Sofia curled up next to Yeou. He sent that to Nam to act as a reply instead, with the caption “mood”, so that he didn’t have to try and form a proper response. Moving his phone to the side, he opened his laptop to check his emails and get the work he’d missed from his teachers. It was comforting to fall into his normal rhythm of completing his class work and emailing his school work in when he had the time.

When it came to following Brian’s advice, Jun was very good. He didn’t go on social media once, and he didn’t go online other than to do his work. Back at the club, he pushed himself harder and was more attentive. There were only a few occasions when he did run throughs and they weren’t clean and, as Skate Canada approached, his confidence and spirits soared. The silver medal at the Autumn Classic inspired him, and all thoughts of the hate he’d received after were gone. He hadn’t allowed them to manifest and he hadn’t really thought about them.

“You’re doing really well,” Brian remarked at Jun landed a quad salchow, smiling at the ice markings showing he was fully rotated. “I’m really proud of you, you know. These last few weeks haven’t been easy but you’ve proved that you’re mature enough to be with these guys and in the Senior circuit. How are you feeling for Skate Canada?”

“Papa set me a goal.” Jun said with a little grin, sipping at his water bottle.

“Oh yeah? And what’s that?”

“To do what Dad never did and get gold at Skate Canada.”

Brian spat out his coffee, spluttering through his laughter. “Oh my God, that’s the best motivation I’ve ever heard. Does that mean…?”

“I want gold at Four Continents too.” He said, nodding his head with a smile. “But one step at a time. Skate Canada first.”

“Another skate in front of the home crowd, huh?” Brian commented, face more serious. Jun nodded, laughter fading a little. “You know you don’t have to shoulder any pressure alone, right?”

“I know,” Jun nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. “I know. I can do this though. I know I can.”

Brian patted his shoulder, smiling at him. “You’re brilliant Jun. Super talented, super hardworking, and you actually listen to me. You’ve improved so much since I first started training you, and I’m glad you’ve decided to stick with me for this long.”

“Well, you’re an amazing coach.” Jun said honestly, picking up his blade guards as he and Brian both stepped off the ice. “Uh, um, thank you, by the way.”

Brian raised an eyebrow at him as he took his own skates off. “For what?”

“For taking care of everything online. I still haven’t looked. 500 Instagram notifications is scary to be honest and I don’t want to deal with them.”

“Do you know what was said?” Brian asked. Jun shook his head and Brian nodded.

“Well, since you have another competition soon, I would say don’t look until after Skate Canada. We’ll re-evaluate then.”

Jun nodded, waving goodbye to Brian before he left the club to walk home. Their apartment wasn’t far from the rink since Javier worked there and Yuzuru came in often to help people out with choreography and to use the gym and dance rooms. The neighbourhoods back to their place was very friendly too, and, since he’d turned sixteen, Yuzuru and Javier had allowed him more freedom. That included walking to and from the rink on his own when neither of his parents were there, which was rare but did happen. Jun put in his earphones, humming along to K Pop (no, that wasn’t the reason why he was learning Korean. Well, not the whole reason. Only like half the reason) as he walked away from the rink. Their apartment was also on a bus route in case it was raining. Jun half danced his way along the street, earning a chuckle from the group of elderly ladies he passed. He kept his head down, lost in the music when someone grabbed his bag and pulled him roughly into an alleyway.

Jun opened his mouth to scream but a large hand clamped over it, cutting off the sound. He was shoved roughly against a wall before he was slapped hard across the face. He let out a small noise of pain before his mouth was released.

“Listen here Pretty Boy. We all know you’ve been fucking with the judges using your dads. If you don’t get properly scored at Skate Canada, there’ll be more where this came from.”

Jun looked up to try and identify his attacker when he was slapped again and kicked hard in the thigh. When he finally regained himself enough to look up, his attacker was long gone.

Jun shook himself off, using his phone screen as a mirror. His cheeks were both bright red, and there was a clear handprint on the left side of his face. He smoothed out his hair, hoping and praying that the mark would have gone down by the time he got home.

It hadn’t.

Yuzuru dropped the plate he was holding when he saw Jun come home and he ran over, pulling him into a tight hug with tears in his eyes. Javier clenched his fists, knuckles white trying to control his temper.

“Who did this to you Jun?” Javier asked.

“I…I don’t know…” Jun said hesitantly. It was the truth but he didn’t feel like he was properly telling it.

Javier pulled him into a hug, smoothing his hair down and planting a kiss on the crown of his head. “What happened?”

Yuzuru reached for Javier’s hand as Jun sat down on one of their dining room chairs, hair covering his eyes to hide the tears building in them.

“I was walking home and… And I was just grabbed. Nothing bad happened,” Yuzuru let out a breath he didn’t realise he’d been holding, “but they told me that if I’m not properly score at Skate Canada, they’ll…”

“They’ll?” Javier asked gently, rubbing Jun’s hands. “It’s okay. You’re safe here.”

“T-they’ll do more.” Jun finished, rubbing at his eyes quickly. “I um… I need to take a shower.”

Javier let go of his hands and he and Yuzuru remained frozen as they watched their baby try not to break into a run towards their bathroom.

Jun tugged off his training clothes and jumped into the shower, scrubbing aggressively at his skin with his shower gel. He didn’t feel clean enough, so he did it again, and again, turning the temperature of the water up so it was as hot as he could bear. After washing his hair twice and body three more times, he still didn’t feel properly clean. He could still feel a ghost of a slap across his face. With a frown, he turned off the shower and stepped out, towelling himself dry before he ran into his room and pulled on his fluffy bathrobe. As he sat there, drying his hair, he turned to Yeou who was sitting on his bed and sighed.

“Am I going insane?” he asked softly. “Of course I am. I’m talking to my tissue box cover. Well, Dad speaks to Pooh-san, so I’m not that crazy, right? Or, maybe crazy people aren’t bad.” He chuckled a little, squeezing Yeou’s fluffy tail before his smile dipped.

“Why did that happen?” He asked, sniffing and wiping his tears away quickly with the back of his hand. “Why did… It’s not my fault! I never asked for those scores. I just did my best and they were the marks I was given. I can’t tell the judges what to do and what marks to give me. I… I’m proud of my medal, of course I am cause it’s my first senior medal, but I wish it didn’t come with such a backlash. Am I not allowed to succeed? Am I not allowed to do well out of juniors?”

“Or will I always be in the shadow of my fathers, following behind them in a path set out for me already?”

Yuzuru and Javier exchanged a look, sadness written all over their features, as they cooked together in the kitchen. The walls of their apartment, sadly, were very thin.


	6. The Hanyu-Fernandez family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jun emerged from his bedroom with his hair tamed and dressed in his fluffy fox onesie that Johnny Weir had sent him as a birthday present a few years ago. It was getting a little short for him, but with big fluffy socks on his made him feel warm and safe. He held Yeou for a moment before he set him on his bedside table with a small smile and went out into their dining room for dinner.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this is so short! I couldn't see how this would fit in anywhere else, so it's here on its own. This is a little bit fluffy, so enjoy it while it lasts!

Jun emerged from his bedroom with his hair tamed and dressed in his fluffy fox onesie that Johnny Weir had sent him as a birthday present a few years ago. It was getting a little short for him, but with big fluffy socks on his made him feel warm and safe. He held Yeou for a moment before he set him on his bedside table with a small smile and went out into their dining room for dinner.

“So,” Javier asked as he served up his lazy paella, “how’s school going? Do you feel you’re keeping up with everything okay?”

“Yeah, I finished off my latest assignment today. We had to create a presentation on a biological system, so I chose the ventilation system because mine isn’t perfect, and, well, we know a lot about breathing in the family. It was really cool actually, and she said she’d grade it soon. Did you know that even though babies can survive being born at twenty-three weeks, but it takes about thirty-five weeks of pregnancy for the baby to have produced enough surfactant to keep their alveoli from collapsing?”

Javier nodded, placing the plate down in front of Jun with a soft smile, tiptoeing around the topic of skating. “That does sound pretty cool, but I understood about two words in the whole thing. My baby is getting too smart for me!”

“Javi, Sofia is too smart for you.” Yuzuru shook his head, sitting down opposite to his husband. “Ugh, this kid at the Cricket Club doesn’t want to listen to me about his choreography. I listened to him when he said he wants to put quad toe in the second half even though he’s struggled to land it in the first half, but he won’t listen to me with the step sequence! I’m his choreographer and he doesn’t want to listen to what I have to say about his choreography! Plus, he has outright refused to do a full choreo sequence. He wants to do a spread eagle and that’s it. Not an Ina Bauer, no cantilever, no nothing! Just a boring outside spread eagle!”

Jun snorted, fiddling with his spoon a little. “Spread eagles look good if done right, Dad. Don’t be too hard on him.”

“I’m not!” Yuzuru huffed, picking up a load of rice with his chopsticks. The family had all but given up on trying to work out how to sort meal times, and so they had a cutlery basket in the middle of the table, just for convenience. “He’s just unwilling to listen! He chose a soft piece of music, and he’s trying to pretend he’s skating to ACDC. If he wants to skate to rock or metal, skate to rock or metal! Don’t choose soft Chopin piano music and pretend you’re skating to rock.”

Javier choked on rice laughing, shaking his head at his husband with a grin. “That’s nothing compared to the tiny little novice young lady I had come up to me today with big wide eyes, asking if she could try a quad flip. A quad. Flip. She’s seven. She can only just land her singles!”

Jun ate quietly, thinking about all the packing for Skate Canada he needed to do. He, Brian, and Tracy were taking the plane early the next morning to Montreal, and he needed to be packed and ready to go early. He pushed away his plate, standing up.

“Sweetie,” Yuzuru said carefully, stopping his conversation with Javier. “Sweetheart, I think you should try and eat a little more. You’ve barely touched your tofu.”

Javier nodded, pushing the plate back across the table towards Jun. “Just a little more. You’ll need the food in case you don’t like anything in Montreal.” He chuckled lightly and Jun just raised his fork silently, eating more of the tofu obediently.

Javier and Yuzuru exchanged another look over his head, frowning. Jun buried his head further into the plate, trying to ignore the knots his stomach was tying itself in and focus on keeping his food down instead. The silence was suffocating.

Jun stood up again, taking his plate over to the sink with a frown. He washed up silently, ignoring the looks from his parents as he gave them a little smile and made his way back to his room.

“I’m worried for him,” Yuzuru said softly once Jun had closed his bedroom door. “He’s… He was attacked on his way home. That’s awful.”

“Maybe we should ask for some protection. Like bodyguards or—”

“No.” Yuzuru said firmly. “No. Being surrounded by bodyguards all the time is so life changing. He deserves freedom.”

“But at the expensive of his protection Yuzuru.” Javier reasoned.

“But I lived with this sort of thing my whole life.” He mumbled. “We’ve done so much to give him freedom. We… Please, can we give this some time to blow over?”

Javier looked past him to Jun’s closed door, listening to the faint sounds of EXO and Sofia’s mewing coming from the room, and he sighed. “We give it until after Skate Canada. If the situation hasn’t improved by then, we’re stepping in and getting him some extra security.”

Yuzuru nodded, taking Javier’s plate to wash them both up. “Alright. I just… We already take separate flights to him to competitions to draw the attention away from him, and we do our best to not mention him unless we have to in interviews. I don’t want him to end up with reporters camped outside the rink, waiting to see what’s in his lunchbox or what colour his socks are that day.”

“I know.” Javier mumbled, placing a hand on Yuzuru’s waist as he kissed his cheek gently. “I know. I’m just worried that something worse might happen if we let it go on too long.”

“Me too. But we’ve got to try and grant him as much freedom as we can. He’s still so young; he deserves the chance to hang out with his school friends, fail his tests, get into messes and enjoy himself.”


	7. The Skate Canada short programme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It was easy for Jun. He could sleep on planes, having been going on them for basically all of his life. Brian however couldn’t sleep on planes. As the teenager next to him was curled up under the complimentary blanket provided by the plane, Brian scanned the screenshots he’d been sent by Jun’s manager.
> 
> “Jesus Christ, he’s just a kid,” Brian mumbled to himself as he scrolled down to the next one, “Christ, he’s not even seventeen yet. They need to leave him alone.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello! Thank you everyone for your kudos and comments! They all mean so much to me and I'm glad that this chapter turned out how it is. I'm sorry for everything Jun goes through in the next few chapters. 
> 
> Anyway, enjoy this chapter!

It was easy for Jun. He could sleep on planes, having been going on them for basically all of his life. Brian however couldn’t sleep on planes. As the teenager next to him was curled up under the complimentary blanket provided by the plane, Brian scanned the screenshots he’d been sent by Jun’s manager.

“Jesus Christ, he’s just a kid,” Brian mumbled to himself as he scrolled down to the next one, “Christ, he’s not even seventeen yet. They need to leave him alone.”

“Stressing over it now when we can’t do anything isn’t going to help him.” Tracy comforted. “All we can do right now is make sure he’s okay and in the right frame of mind to compete. He’s in the first group for the short programme, so that should take some of the pressure off.”

Brian sighed, turning his laptop towards her. “Who the hell says that thing to a sixteen-year-old?”

Tracy paled and shook her head. “I don’t know Brian. I don’t know. But Yuzuru and Javier haven’t told us to do anything different. This is as much in their domain as parents as it is in ours as his coaches. All we can do is help him at competitions and talk to him about how he’s feeling, okay?”

Brian nodded, closing his laptop with a frown. “Still, who the hell attacks a sixteen-year-old verbally after his first competition at the Senior level? Over scored or not, and I think not, the ones you should blame if you have to attack anyone is the judges.”

“I know that, and you know that, but some of the fans struggle to accept that. You know how we went through similar things with Yuzuru, especially after the Cup of China.”

Brian nodded, rubbing the back of his neck with a frown. “Regardless, it’s going to catch up with him eventually. Even if he stays offline, he’s going to find out in the end.”

“That’s for us to worry about then. If things have died down after Skate Canada, we’ll think again and consider what best to do.” Tracy reasoned. The stewardess came by and eyed them both suspiciously before she smiled.

“Excuse me, but can you two wake your son up please? We’re about to land and he needs to be awake for it.”

Brian burst out laughing, causing Jun’s eyes to flutter open sleepily. “I’m honoured you think either of us is young enough to be his parent. You know his actual parents are like, in their early forties.”

The stewardess couldn’t care less. She smiled at Jun and took the blanket from him as he took off his earphones and stowed them away safely, leaving to go and poke other passengers awake. Brian couldn’t help but grin at Jun.

“She thought we were young enough to be your parents Jun!”

“Three kids is plenty thank you.” Tracy said with a little chuckle herself, shaking her head. Jun rubbed his eyes, looking between them.

“But I look nothing like you two?”

“Exactly. How she thought we were related I will never know.”

Once they’d landed and navigated their way, relatively painlessly since it was an internal flight, through immigration, Jun waited by the baggage retrieval next to Brian and Tracy, headphones around his neck as he struggled to stay awake. Brian and Tracy found their bags relatively quickly, but Jun’s multiple bags were nowhere to be seen. When they were the only ones waiting by the belt, Jun fiddled with his hands, worried.

“What if they’ve lost them?”

“I’m sure they haven’t.” Tracy said quickly, moving to wrap an arm around Jun’s shoulder.

“I’ll go and ask,” Brian said, giving them a little nod. Tracy led Jun towards a café away from the information centre.

“Want a hot chocolate?” Tracy asked softly and Jun nodded, eyes wandering past her. “Hey, it’s okay. Even if they have got lost, which I doubt they have, we’ve got time to sort it out. Don’t worry.”

“Okay,” he mumbled, resting his head in his hands. “This is just my first big competition without…”

“Oh Sweetheart,” Tracy said softly, rubbing his hand gently, “You’re nervous. It’s okay. It’s all going to be alright, I promise. They’ll be proud of you, no matter what, okay?”

The waitress brought Tracy’s tea and Jun’s skinny hot chocolate, smiling a little at him as she set him down a chocolate chip cookie too.

“We didn’t order the cookie,” Tracy said gently. The waitress nodded.

“I know you didn’t, but you looked like you need it. On the house.” She left the table quickly, leaving the pair alone. Brian found them and sat down in the spare seat.

“So, right, your bags are coming on the next flight from Toronto because they messed up. If we wait here for a little while, when the next flight comes in, they’ll have your bags. They’ve given us a little bit of a refund since it was their mistake.”

Jun relaxed into his seat, nodding and sipping at his drink. He passed Brian the cookie and wrote the waitress a thank you note on a napkin when they left. Two and a half hours after they’d landed, they finally collected Jun’s bags and got to their hotel. Brian checked in for them and they all went up to Jun’s room.

“We’ll see you later Jun,” Brian said, looking him up and down, “phone your parents if you want.”

Jun nodded and bid them goodbye as he shut the door. Hauling his bags in, he opened them up and checked his skates and costumes. He hung up his costumes, breathing a sigh of relief when there was nothing visibly wrong with them. His skates were alright and he tucked the small suitcase under the desk in his room. He opened up his main bag and took out his bag of shower stuff. He called for room service, sent a text to Brian that he wasn’t coming to dinner, and then went and had a shower. Just as he stepped out of the bathroom wrapped up in a bathrobe, there was a knock at the door. He answered, collecting his food, and then curled up on his bed, towelling his hair dry as he tucked into his mac and cheese. Yeou sat on the bed staring at him too, and he slowly looked down at his phone. Swallowing quickly, he scrolled through his contacts and hit call.

“Hello?” Yuzuru answered. Jun let out a little sigh of relief.

“Hey Dad.”

“Javi!” Yuzuru shouted, slightly away from the phone. “Javi! It’s Jun! Get over here!”

Jun couldn’t help but laugh as he heard the shuffling and Spanish curses coming from the other end of the phone.

“Hey Dad, hey Papa. We arrived safely.”

“That’s good.” Javier said, and Jun heard a quiet purring. “Sofia says good luck!”

“Give her some cuddles from me,” Jun said with a proper laugh.

“How are you feeling?” Yuzuru asked gently. “Nervous? Excited?”

“Um…” Jun fiddled with Yeou’s ears lightly. “I’m both I guess? Both nervous and excited?”

“Use the energy,” Javier said, going into coach mode, “use the energy to fuel your skating. Use it to interpret and perform.”

Jun chuckled, shaking his head as Javier rambled at him like he would someone he was coaching. “Sure Papa. I was going to see what happens at the practices tomorrow and go with what Brian tells me to do.”

“That’s a good idea.” Yuzuru cut in. “Have you eaten? Did you go out with Brian and Tracy?”

“Uh, no,” Jun grinned a little sheepishly. “I ordered room service instead. Sorry.”

“Why are you apologising?” Javier laughed. “We don’t mind. What did you order?”

“Mac and cheese.”

“A winning meal.” Javier teased before his voice softened a little. “You know we’ll be proud of you no matter what happens, yeah? And you have Yeou with you.”

Jun squeezed Yeou’s paw lightly, smiling at his tissue box cover. “Yeah. I still miss you guys though.”

“We miss you too Sweetheart. We love you, and we want you to do well. When you come back, we will go to that Korean restaurant you love for Korean Barbecue.”

Jun grinned, even though his parents couldn’t see it. “Thank you. I love you both so much. See you soon.”

“We love you too. Gambatte!”

“Vamos!”

“Good luck!” they shouted together and Sofia mewed quietly. Jun whispered goodbye before he hung up, putting his phone on charge next to Yeou. Despite having had a nap on the plane, he fell asleep very quickly.

Jun woke up, full of positive energy as he got ready for his morning warm up. He was excited for the short programme, not expecting to do very well compared to the others. He gave Vincent a little wave from across the room before he started going through his warm up, listening to an audiobook as he let himself fall into a more focused mindset. Eventually Brian tapped him on the shoulder, interrupting him.

“The six-minute warmup for the first group is starting soon.” Jun nodded, heading into the changing room to tie up his skates tightly. He handed Yeou to Brian with a little grin before he joined the other five guys, waiting for the warm up to start. Jun was skating fourth in the group so he a little more time to mentally prepare.

The warm up was alright. He botched a couple of jumps, but then switched to running his spins and step sequence through instead, leaving the bad jumps at the barrier with Brian and Yeou. He didn’t watch the other three skaters before him; he barely listened to the score the guy before him got. He shook Brian’s hand and patted Yeou on the head gently before he pushed himself away from the barrier and skated around the rink.

“On the ice, representing Canada, Jun Hwan Hanyu-Fernandez!”

Jun raised his arms to the crowd, smiling a little at the number of homemade banners in the audience. Japanese faces, Spanish faces, Canadian faces, Korean faces, he recognised one of the ladies as the one who had given him Yeou, so many people were cheering for him. He settled in the centre of the rink and took his starting position, ready for Cinderella.

The Prokofiev music to him was like a comforting blanket, or like having his Dad poke him in the face with Pooh at the rink. He settled into it easily, gliding through his choreography and across the ice like a hot knife through butter. His opening quad salchow was landed so smoothly he thought he’d done a triple accidentally. He caught sight of Brian jumping up from by the barrier with a grin, and he allowed himself a small smile before he regained his focus. The combination was also beautiful, and he wasn’t doubting himself on the lutz edge like he normally did. It was firmly outside, and he felt that he was on an outside edge. His first spin was beautiful too, and he felt like he could have pulled off the Biellmann position. He didn’t try it, and instead focused his energy on the triple axel. The landing wasn’t perfect, but he was clean enough and all his jumps were safely landed. He got a little too confident, however, and made a mess of his change of foot sit spin, dropping to a level two instead of a level four like he normally did. Pushing it out of his mind, he threw himself into the step sequence, enjoying the moves as he danced around the rink. His final combination spin with a change of foot more than made up for the sit spin on beauty, and he held his final position with a bright smile, brimming with confidence and happiness. He could hardly contain himself as he bowed to the audience, waving especially at the Korean lady who had given him Yeou. He hugged Brian tightly, smiling at his coach as he collected his guards.

“That was really good.” Brian said, laughing as Jun struggled to catch some of the toys tossed down by fans just above him. He thanked them and they sat down in the Kiss and Cry, Brian holding the toys and flowers as Jun zipped up his jacket.

“Just the spin.” Jun said with a little shrug, relieving Brian by taking the toys and flowers back. “I mess it up a little bit.”

“You did, but everything else was lovely. You should go into first place at this point.”

“The scores please.” Jun swallowed, holding the toys and flowers tighter as he looked at the screen. “Jun Hwan Hanyu-Fernandez has earned in the short programme, 88.86. This is a new season’s best and he’s currently in first place.”

“No way,” Jun said, face lighting up, “No way, that’s more than ten points better than my previous best!”

“I know!” Brian clapped him on the back with a smle to match Jun’s. “I told you, didn’t I? Now that they know you, they’ll be more willing to give you sevens, eights, maybe even nines for the programme components.”

“38.43! That’s huge!” Jun gasped a little at the performance score, shaking his head. “That’s ridiculous!”

“Well, you should stay in first definitely until this group is over.” Brian nodded to him to leave the Kiss and Cry.

At the end of the day, Jun was in second after the short programme, just under two points shy of Alexander Samarin’s 90.85. Vincent was in third behind him, and he’d been less than impressed with his edge call on his quad flip. He wasn’t far behind Jun with 88.06 points. Jun spent the whole press conference buzzing, and he drew starting number 10, going before either Vincent or Alexander; Alexander drew eleven and Vincent twelve. The press conference flew by, and that’s when exhaustion finally hit Jun. The adrenaline had well and truly gone, and he stayed in his seat, even once all the reporters had gone, covering his face with his hands.

“Selfie?” He looked up to Alexander holding his phone nervously. Jun shuffled into the photo and smiled, mirroring Vincent’s grin too. “Thanks guys. Good luck tomorrow. It’s still all to play for.”

“You know it is.” Vincent said with a light grin. “There are only two points between me and gold right now. Two points that can easily be overturned.”

“I look forward to the challenge.” Alexander said with a chuckle as the three boarded their bus back to the hotel together. Jun caught Brian’s eye and he just sat a little way away, smiling.

“Who has the highest base value between us tomorrow?” Vincent asked.

“Probably you,” Jun said with a little laugh. “I only have a quad sal and quad toe planned, neither in combination. Both of you have a quad lutz.”

“Two!” Vincent said with a large smile. “And just because we have them doesn’t mean we’ll land them properly. Like I said, consistency is important and you’re really consistent.”

“But quad lutz, and quad flip…”

“To be fair, I only have one quad lutz planned and one quad toe. So we’re both only doing two quads.” Alexander pointed out.

“Fine, I have four planned. But that doesn’t mean I’ll land them all!”

“I’m sure you will.” Jun said gently, smoothing Yeou’s ears down. “You’re really good Vincent. You can do it!”

“Why are you being so kind to me?” Vincent asked curiously. “We’re rivals. We should be at each other’s throats, like Yagudin and Plushenko.”

“I’d rather have a skating rivalry like Hanyu and Fernandez,” Jun said, sticking his tongue out at Vincent, “but, no offense, I wouldn’t date or marry you.”

“Good!” Vincent stuck his tongue out back. “I have my eyes on someone else.”

“Is it Zagitova?” Alexander asked. “Because I swear everyone has a crush on Zagitova except me.”

“I don’t.” Jun said.

“Me neither.” Vincent laughed.

“So, who’s the lucky lady?” Alexander teased, elbowing Vincent.

“None of your business. And I’m not going to mess up and announce it on national television.” Vincent raised an eyebrow at Jun, who flushed pink.

“Hey! They asked! I couldn’t lie!”

The three laughed and bickered all the way back to the hotel, teasing each other before they bid their rivals farewell. Before he went up to his room, Jun stopped to talk to Brian.

“How are you feeling?” Brian asked him gently.

“Good. Like, really good.”

“I’m so proud of you, you know. That score was brilliant today. Tomorrow, if you fight hard, you can walk away from here with a medal, I know it.”

Jun nodded and waved goodbye to his coach before he headed up to his room. He placed Yeou on his bed and pulled off his shirt, ready to have a shower, when he spotted the corner of a sheet of paper sticking out from under his pillow. Curiously, Jun reached for it and pulled a letter out. He opened the envelope and froze.

_Remember what I told you._


	8. Skate Canada: Overnight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember what I told you
> 
> Jun reread the letter about eight times before his stomach turned. He only just had time to make it to the bathroom and the toilet before he threw up, coughing and spluttering.
> 
> Someone had been in his room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry I haven't upload in a few days after uploading so regularly. Life has become busy again.
> 
> Okay, so as you can probably tell from the summary, this chapter isn't going to be pleasant to read. I tried to keep it as medically accurate as I could, but sorry for anything that doesn't make sense here. I don't have asthma but I asked a friend who is asthmatic for their experiences. Also, I'm not Canadian, so I don't know quite how the Canadian healthcare system works. The result is kind of a combination between the UK NHS and the Canadian system in all the research that I did. 
> 
> Fair warning here: Jun is suffering a lot in this chapter. I'm very sorry for it and for everything he goes through. Warning if you're like extra squeamish. This chapter also starts to go into the darker parts of the story so yeah, sorry.
> 
> Thank you for reading and enjoy (?) this chapter xx

_Remember what I told you_

Jun reread the letter about eight times before his stomach turned. He only just had time to make it to the bathroom and the toilet before he threw up, coughing and spluttering.

Someone had been in his room.

Someone had been in his room and knew it was his room.

Someone had been in his room and knew it was his room and knew which side of the double bed he was sleeping on.

Someone had been in his room, knew it was his room, knew which side of the double bed he was sleeping on, and wasn’t happy with his scores.

When he finally stopped heaving up the contents of his now empty stomach, Jun rinsed his mouth out with water and brushed his teeth before he caught sight of the sheet of paper on the ground near his bed, right next to Yeou. He snatched his tissue box up away from the paper quickly and frowned. Whoever had put it together wasn’t stupid; they knew how to not get caught. They had cut out letters from newspaper, like one might when putting together a ransom letter, and stuck them down. They hadn’t written who it was for either so there would be no proof it was for Jun if he tried to tell anyone.

Jun swallowed thickly and picked up the corner of the letter with a tissue covering his fingers. He frowned at the letter and shoved it into the hotel room bin with a sick feeling in his stomach still. His skin crawled as he sat down carefully on the edge of the bed, Yeou in his lap. It was like that guy in the alleyway had Jun cornered again. He squeezed Yeou’s front paws tighter, desperately trying to calm his breathing down. His inhaler, his inhaler, where did he leave it? In his skate bag? With his costumes? He rooted around in his bag, sitting upright as he struggled to take a deep breath. He puffed at the inhaler, breathing in for thirty seconds. It didn’t help, so he did it again, nearly dropping his phone with his other hand as he frantically dialled a familiar number.

“Jun?” Brian answered almost immediately. “Jun, what’s wrong? You should be sleeping soon.”

“Asthma.” Is all Jun could get out before his lungs betrayed him once again. He took another puff with the inhaler, which helped him ever so slightly.

“I’m on my way. Stay in your room. If you can, unlock the door. Don’t worry too much if you can’t. Just try your best to keep breathing.” Brian said softly before he hung up. Jun made it to the door and unlocked it before his lungs gave up again. He leaned against the wall near the door, taking another puff of the inhaler as he tried to use the wall to keep him upright.

It felt like years of forcing himself to keep breathing, but Brian eventually knocked on Jun’s door. With a weak “it’s open”, Brian came in and sat down next to him, rubbing his back.

“Tracy’s phoned an ambulance. She’s going to come up here too. I need you to try and match my breathing Jun. Can you do that for me?”

Jun nodded, holding his inhaler tightly as he tried to match Brian’s breathing. His coach kept his hand on his back, calming him down as best as he could. When the paramedics came into his room, Jun was ready to go to sleep. He could barely keep his eyes open as he was given oxygen and lifted into the back of an ambulance with Brian and Tracy by him. Brian, bless him, had found his health card, and he was rushed to hospital.

Doctors prodded and poked at him, but, once Jun’s breathing had stabilised fully, he was all but free to go. The doctors refilled his inhaler and gave him another preventative one.

“We’d suggest that you don’t do anything too strenuous for the next few days, but…” the doctor frowned at the rest of Jun’s medical folder, “just, take it as easy as you can. And check in with your doctor when you get back to Toronto.”

Brian nodded, listening to all the advice for Jun. Tracy held his hand gently, rubbing the back of his hand with her thumb gently. The doctors cleared him to leave and they made their way back to the hotel. Jun rubbed Yeou’s ears gently when Tracy stopped in the foyer of the hotel.

“I’m going to ask the hotel to put a single bed in my room. You’re not staying on your own tonight. Not after that attack.”

Jun just nodded, going up to his room to clean his teeth and take his pyjamas to Tracy’s room while she sorted out the extra bed in her room. She half had to carry him to the room, tucking him in with a little laugh. She placed Yeou on the floor by his bed, smiling a little sadly as he slept. With a soft sigh, she called Javier.

“Tracy? What’s up? It’s getting late.” The frown could be heard in Javier’s voice.

“Javi, sit down. Make sure Yuzuru can hear this. You both need to hear this.”

The shuffling and soft cat mewing in the background was painful for Tracy to witness. Eventually Yuzuru spoke up. “What’s wrong Tracy?”

Tracy glanced across the room to where Jun was sleeping. His breathing wasn’t back to perfect, and the eyebags under his eyes were more prominent than they were at the start of the season. Tracy shook her head before she spoke to the phone again.

“Jun had an asthma attack this evening in his hotel room.”

“What?”

“Is he okay?”

“What happened?”

“Boys,” Tracy interrupted as calmly as possible. “He’s alright. I made them put a single bed in my room so I can make sure he’s alright overnight. I think he’s going to try and skate tomorrow, but, at the slightest hint of trouble, we’re taking him off the ice.”

“What triggered the attack?” Yuzuru asked softly. “He’s been wearing his masks, right? He’s been taking his medication properly, he always does, so what could have caused it?”

“You know better than anyone that this sort of thing still happens, even with the best will in the world.” Tracy said gently. “Poor thing though. He’s okay now, but you can’t talk to him because he’s exhausted and already asleep.”

“Thank you,” Javier said weakly, and Sofia mewed down the phone.

“You two have the power of the parent veto if you want to use it. Not that you two would ever have really accepted if your parents used it on you.”

“No,” Yuzuru said firmly before Javier could talk. “Let Jun make the choice. If he pushes himself too far, you and Brian can step in, but I’d like for him to make the decision himself. Brian let me decide after the Cup of China crash.”

“That’s true,” Tracy said, moving Jun’s inhaler further onto the bedside table. “Okay, we’ll phone you two if anything changes.”

“Please remind him that we love him,” Javier said quietly and Yuzuru agreed quietly in Japanese.

“I will,” Tracy said gently, smiling at the phone a little, “but you should call him after the free tomorrow. Because… You know…”

“We will.”

“See you guys soon.”

“Thank you, Tracy. So much.”

Jun blinked awake, rubbing at his eyes as someone gently shook his shoulder. His lungs still hurt and he sat up groggily.

“Morning.” Tracy said gently. “How are you feeling?”

“Like a car drove over me.” Jun mumbled, reaching for Yeou.

“Are you going to compete today?”

Jun’s eyes shot up to meet her and he swallowed thickly, frowning a little. The memory of the note in his bin rose up and he frowned a little.

“I… Um… I don’t know…”

“The doctors said they don’t think you should, but you are in second place if that’s something you want to consider. The home crowd will try to help you, but it’s a risk. It’s your call.”

Jun nodded again, fiddling with Yeou’s tail. “I… I want to try.” He mumbled. He cleared his throat and repeated it louder, trying to convince himself as much as Tracy. “I want to give it my best shot. If I mess up… Well, then I mess up.”

“Alright.” Tracy said with a nod before she chuckled. “Go to your own room and get ready for the day. Brian and I will meet you down at breakfast.”

Jun nodded and slipped out of her room with Yeou under his arm and still in his pyjamas. He brushed his hair out of his face as he unlocked his door, shutting it behind him before he had a quick shower and got dressed, stretching out his legs carefully. Yeou sat on the bed and his smile seemed to grow a little. Jun grinned back and gave him a little kiss on the nose before he went down to meet Brian and Tracy at breakfast.

“How can you eat that?” Brian said, wrinkling his nose a little at Jun’s toast smothered in peanut butter and banana. The teenager just laughed and took a bite, grinning at his coach.

“’Iss good!” He swallowed sheepishly, covering his mouth. “It’s good! You should try it!”

“Yeah, no thanks.” Brian sipped at his coffee with a laugh, and Jun sipped at his own green tea. “How are you feeling? You definitely look better than you did last night.”

“Mm…” Jun busied himself with food, avoiding looking at Brian.

“I’m not blaming you and you know I’m not. You can’t control your asthma attacks. It happens sometimes. Your dad had one once two weeks before he went out and broke a world record, so it’s okay. Don’t worry too much about it, okay?”

Jun just nodded, finishing off his toast. “Sorry.” He mumbled before he started on his bowl of porridge, stirring in a dollop of peanut butter.

“What are you apologising for?” Brian asked gently.

“I… Well… Your evening…”

“Jun, your health is the most important thing right now. I’m actually so glad that you did phone me last night.” Brian looked at him with a serious expression. “I mean it. I don’t want to think about what could have happened if we hadn’t acted quick enough.”

Jun raised an eyebrow at him before he finished off his porridge with a small sigh. “Still, I’m sorry it happened.”

“You never ever need to apologise for your asthma.” Brian said firmly, holding his cup of coffee. “Never. I mean it. It’s not your fault, and I would rather you called me at three in the morning and we went to the hospital than you didn’t want to bother me and ended up dead.”

Jun choked on his mouthful of green tea, coughing and spluttering. “I… I won’t end up dead. I promise I will phone you though if something like this happens again at a competition.”

“Thank you.” Brian patted his arm lightly before he checked his watch. “Alright, you’ve got about an hour before the bus leaves for the rink. Now would be about the right time to start going through your rituals. Go up to your room and relax, or do what you need to do. We’ll meet you by the rink in half an hour, and we’ll go.”

Jun nodded, handing his bowl and plate to the waitress with a smile, before he stood up. “I’ll go and get ready then. In the foyer in half an hour.”

Brian clapped him on the back with a smile. “Exactly.”

Jun hummed his programme music to himself as he set off towards his room, bouncing a little as he walked. He unlocked his room and ducked straight into the bathroom. He started to clean his teeth, looked up to check on his bed head and froze.

_Remember what I told you_


	9. Skate Canada: The free skate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Remember what I told you
> 
> Jun spat out the toothpaste in shock, looking at the message written across the whole mirror in toothpaste. He stumbled backwards, knocking over the towel rail as he collapsed against the wall, curling up against it. He forced himself to calm down, forcing his breathing back to normal. He couldn’t have another attack. He wouldn’t. He couldn’t afford another attack.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I didn't think I was going to post this after watching the Four Continents Championships earlier today, but here it is anyway. This chapter is a little bit of everything: fluff, angst, and the actual competition. I hope you enjoy this; this story is starting to properly take shape.
> 
> Thank you for reading! I hope you enjoy this chapter x

_Remember what I told you_

Jun spat out the toothpaste in shock, looking at the message written across the whole mirror in toothpaste. He stumbled backwards, knocking over the towel rail as he collapsed against the wall, curling up against it. He forced himself to calm down, forcing his breathing back to normal. He couldn’t have another attack. He wouldn’t. He couldn’t afford another attack.

Jun pushed himself away from the wall when he caught sight of the message again and his stomach turned. He only just had time to get to the toilet before he was hurling up his breakfast, holding his cramping stomach. When there was only bile coming up, he coughed and pushed himself up to stand on shaky legs like a new born deer. He wobbled his way to the sink and washed his mouth out, finishing cleaning his teeth as calmly as he could. He closed the bathroom door behind him and leaned against it, calming down as much as he could. He scooped Yeou off his bed, folded up his costume carefully and put it into his bag, picked up his skate suitcase and his phone before he firmly closed the door behind, plugging in his earphones to lose himself in his music. He met Brian and Tracy in the foyer of the hotel and gave them a weak smile as they boarded the bus to the arena. He tapped against his leg along to the music with Yeou resting on his lap as they drove to the arena. Once they arrived, he registered at the event and started warming up properly with Brian. Halfway through the first group’s free skates, he changed into his competition costume.

As soon as he stepped beyond the curtain and out by the actual rink, a wave of nausea hit Jun, and he covered his mouth quickly, earning an eyebrow quirk from Brian. He brushed it off and stepped on the ice for his warm up, handing his coach his tissue box and blade guards.

The warm up was another mess, but only for him. While Vincent and Alexander were skating around flawlessly, Jun couldn’t land anything harder than a double axel and he either popped his quads or fell on them, smacking his hip hard against the ice on a particularly bad quad salchow that would have been downgraded in his actual skate. He shook himself off, rubbing at his hip as he skated over to Brian by the boards.

“It’s okay. Don’t think about the jumps right now. Don’t push yourself to land them. You’re a smart kid; you know what to do in the programme. Just do yours steps and spins for now.”

The warm up ended and Jun couldn’t stand still. Nerves gnawed at his insides, and it was all Brian could do to help him stay calm. His legs felt as wobbly as they had in the bathroom earlier that day as he slipped off his guards and handed them to Brian.

“Trust your training. You’ve had a rough couple of days. Don’t push yourself too much. I’m proud of you.”

Jun shook his hand before he pushed off from the boards, trying to get used to the ice.

“On the ice, representing Canada, Jun Hwan Hanyu-Fernandez!”

Jun raised his arms to the audience but didn’t engage with them properly. He was too lost in his own head as he took his starting position for Romeo and Juliet.

For the first parts of his choreography, Jun felt extremely stiff, like he wasn’t properly settled into the programme. He wasn’t properly engaging with the music and his heart started to flutter and race as he approached his opening quad toe.

From the toe pick at the take-off, he knew the landing would be a fight. Due to the tension in the rest of his body, he couldn’t hold onto his under rotated quad toe and landed hard, hissing quietly to himself. He pushed himself back up onto his skates with a frown. He couldn’t fail. Not yet. Not so soon. Not after his short programme.

Jun pushed himself through, still barely connecting with the music as he numbly pushed through his quad salchow. Luckily, he held onto the landing of that jump, fully rotating it and getting it done neatly. It didn’t do anything to calm his nerves, however, because, when he entered his first triple-triple combination, he felt his lutz edge rock away from the outside. When he dug his toe pick in, he was sure it was actually with an inside edge, an unclear edge at best.

_With this many mistakes so early on, you’re not going to get gold._ A nagging voice in the back of his head told him. _Might as well fuck it and enjoy the rest of your performance. Show Canada that you can come back from a mistake like this and a mess like the warm up._

If Jun had been skating by himself at the rink, only for Brian, he would have shrugged and laughed. Instead, he threw all the energy he could into performing his step sequence. He channelled all his chaotic energy of a young, Gen Z man in love into his interpretation and finally, _finally_ , lost himself in the programme.

After he finally let himself go, the programme went much better for him. His flying camel spin was beautiful and performed right on time with the music. His transitions into the choreographic sequence were sensitive and he caught sight of Brian clapping out of the corner of his eye. The triple axel double toe combination was neat and solid. His solo triple axel wasn’t far off his father’s in terms of quality and flow, and, being in the second half, he smiled a little to himself. Getting a little too loose, his triple salchow on the end of his triple-Euler-triple combination was slightly underrotated, but he couldn’t really bring himself to worry about it. His triple loop was soft and right on the music. His change of foot combination spin was performed beautifully, and Jun loved skating the final sequence, entering his final spin and finishing with a smile that would have seemed impossible at the start of the day.

His lungs didn’t want to let him forget about the events of the night before, however, and he found himself gasping for breath as he took his bows, waving to the crowd with a smile. He coughed into his elbow when he got to the boards and Brian handed him his skate guards and his Team Canada jacket.

“Do you need your inhaler?” he said softly, hoping that the cameras wouldn’t pick it up. Jun shook his head as he took Yeou and they settled in the Kiss and Cry.

“The toe-”

“For someone who was where you were last night, that performance was amazing.” Brian cut in. “We can worry about that stuff when we get back on Monday, alright?”

Jun nodded, catching his breath properly as he stroked Yeou’s ears lightly. He waved to the crowd with a smile, earning screams of support from the audience, especially the Japanese and Korean ladies. He sighed, smile dropping a little and stomach tying itself in a knot as the announcer started to speak.

“The scores please.”

Jun swallowed thickly, eyes fixed on the screen.

“Jun Hwan Hanyu-Fernandez has earned in the free programme, 165.91 points. His total score is 254.77, and he’s currently in first place.”

“A medal!” Brian grinned at him and he nodded, smile breaking out on his face. “A senior Grand Prix medal!”

Jun’s face lit up when the reality set in and he hugged his coach with a grin. “Oh my gosh! I never… I didn’t… Woah!”

“Woah indeed.” Brian said brightly. “Come on, let’s go to the green room.”

Jun didn’t really process what was going on, but he couldn’t hold back his smiles as Alexander skated. He cheered for him loudly and clapped for him when the score of 256.17 came up, putting the Russian into first and pushing the Canadian into second. He sat up a little straighter when Vincent took to the ice, holding Yeou tighter.

Whatever was that plagued him, it plagued Vincent too. The American underrotated his triple toe loop in his quad lutz triple toe combination, doubled out his planned quad flip and also got an unclear edge on it, and underrotated his quad toe loop. His flying camel spin was neat and level four, and Jun couldn’t help but cheer for him in the choreographic sequence. After that, however, his triple axel in combination was underrotated and he scrambled the double toe loop on the end. His second quad lutz was also underrotated, but Jun’s heart went out to Vincent. He was putting his all into the skate and it was crumbling away as he moved further into the second half. His triple lutz was clean and neat with both arms raised over his head, and his flying change of foot combination spin was beautiful. His final jumping pass got an unclear edge on his flip, but Jun felt a little tension go when he stayed on his feet, and his triple lutz at the start of the combination with both arms over his head again was smooth. At least the jumps were over.

The mistakes weren’t. Vincent flopped on his step sequence, earning a level one rather than a level four like he was used to. At least his final change of foot sit spin got all the levels.

“The scores please.” Jun held Yeou tighter in his hands, glancing over at Alexander. He too was tense, not that he had any real reason to be after performing a flawless programme with a two-point lead over Vincent anyway.

“Vincent Zhou has earned in the free programme, 149.37, a new season’s best. His total score is 237.43, a new season’s best. He’s currently in fourth place.”

Vincent glared at the screen and, if looks could kill, it would be dead. The number four next to his name taunted him and he shook his head, standing up and throwing his arms up in disgust and confusion. Alexander turned to Jun with a small smile.

“Well done for making the podium in your first year as a senior.”

“Well done for gold.” Jun replied courteously.

The medal ceremony was a blur, and Jun couldn’t stop smiling all the way through. He loved every second, even when he got given a tiny little Canadian flag instead of a normal sized one. He and Nam shared the large one, smiling to their home fans and waving at them. Jun didn’t realise how exhausted he was until he stepped off the ice and was ready to fall asleep on Brian. His coach half had to help him to the bus, one arm supporting him. Jun fell asleep on the bus and Brian had to poke him awake when they arrived back at the hotel.

“I’ll see you later for dinner. Try not to fall asleep.” Brian joked lightly and they parted ways. Jun headed up to his room with Yeou under his arm and his medal case held tightly in his hands. He got out his phone, flicking through his contacts as he unlocked his room. Jun was about to phone his parents when he looked up, dropping his phone and Yeou as the door shut behind him.

There, on his bed, were hundreds of notes, each saying clearly on them:

_Remember what I told you_

Jun froze again, exhaustion and confusion hitting him simultaneously, and he collapsed to his knees, dropping Yeou and his medal. He just stared at bed, hardly breathing as he slowly approached the bed. He picked up one of the notes, one with careful kanji that he wished he couldn’t read. Another was written in messy Spanish, one in Korean: he recognised the character set, one in French, and Russian, and English, and Italian, and, and, and—

Jun ran to the bathroom and heaved over the toilet again, coughing and spluttering as he fought to breathe again. His empty stomach ached and his lungs hurt from fighting to keep him breathing. He leaned his head against the ceramic lid of the toilet, eyes closed as he once again forced himself to breathe calmly again. After what felt like years to him, he sat up and rinsed out his mouth, having brought up only bile due to his lack of appetite throughout the day and his earlier vomiting in the morning. He splashed some water on his face and took a deep breath before he stepped out into his room.

He scooped up the bin, still containing his note from the day before, and swept all the notes from the bed into them as quickly as he could, trying not to touch them. Once the bed was clear, he shoved the bin back under the desk in the room. Out of sight, out of mind.

Except he couldn’t properly calm down. It was out of sight, sure, but not out of mind. Jun fidgeted until he couldn’t bear it any longer and he went down to the hotel gym. Pushing himself on a treadmill after an asthma attack was reckless, but he needed to clear his head. The rhythmic sounds of his feet against the treadmill grounded him, and focusing only on that helped him to forget about the notes. Other people flitted in and out, mostly event organisers and other skaters, but no one tried to bother him with conversation that he didn’t want. They left him alone.

Jun finished on the treadmill and headed up to his room to shower before he met Brian and Tracy in the foyer. They took him out to dinner to a Mexican restaurant. Jun all but devoured his chicken fajitas, having survived on an empty stomach the whole day; his appetite, luckily, was back.

“You’ve earned that.” Brian said with a laugh, and Jun blushed a little. “Hungry?”

“Very.” Jun said with a soft chuckle.

“I’m not surprised.” Tracy ruffled his hair lightly. “Well done today! We’re so proud of you today. You managed to do so well! The Canadian media was all over you and Nam for winning the silver and bronze medals. This is the first of many for you I bet.”

They talked and laughed over the meal about everything and anything. Tracy and Brian treated Jun to a plate of churros, and he got to the hotel happy and full of food finally. He sat down on his bed with Yeou and skyped his parents.

“Hi Sweetheart!” Javier grinned, waving at him. Yuzuru was in the background with Sofia balanced on his shoulders and Jun’s specific jar of chocolate spread in his hands, spoon in his mouth.

“Hi Papa, hi—DAD! Is that my chocolate spread? You have your own jar!”

Yuzuru nearly dropped Sofia in shock and he turned to the phone with a grin. “Jun! Well done Jun! We’re so proud of you for winning silver! You were fabulous out there!”

Jun blushed a little, rubbing the back of his neck. “Thanks Dad. Now, put the chocolate spread down.”

Yuzuru pouted, setting the jar down and screwing the lid on. With a glare at Javier’s phone, he put the jar in the cupboard and picked up his own jar, unscrewing the lid and eating a spoonful. “Happy?”

“Very.” Jun said with a little giggle.

“You were amazing out there. I’m so proud of you! You managed to get a silver medal!” Javier said, smiling brightly.

“I know!” Jun reached for the box and took the medal out of it with a smile. He held it up to the camera, and Sofia jumped off Yuzuru’s shoulders onto Javier’s to have a closer look.

“It’s beautiful.” Yuzuru said seriously. “We are so incredibly proud of you. You’ve gone through a lot recently.”

Jun’s eyes flicked over to the bin and he tore them away quickly, petting Yeou’s ears gently. “Yeah. But everything’s fine now.”

“Better than fine!” Yuzuru said with a grin. “You’re well on your way to possibly getting to the final in your first senior season! That’s incredible!”

“One step at a time.”  Jun said with a little laugh before he yawned.

“Tired?” Javier asked with a soft smile. Jun nodded, stifling another yawn.

“Go to sleep Sweetheart.” Yuzuru said gently, scratching Sofia behind the ears gently. “We’ll see you soon sweetie.”

“I love you guys.” Jun said, blowing a kiss at the camera.

“We love you too!” Javier said. He bounced Sofia gently and she mewed at him.

“Te amo!” Jun waved before the call ended.

For the first time in a while, Jun finally fell asleep happy.


	10. Training for NHK

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After having fun at the gala performances and enjoying his skate to There’s Nothing Holding Me Back, Jun, Brian, and Tracy returned back to Toronto. Jun slept on the plane, as per usual, and, when they’d collected their bags, he laughed when he saw Yuzuru and Javier waiting for them with a handmade sign. They’d clearly got creative with the paints, and Tracy laughed when she saw them.
> 
> Brian clapped him on the shoulder. “We’ll see you on Monday for training. Make sure you get lots of rest and sleep. You’ve done really well.”
> 
> Javier and Yuzuru pulled him into a tight hug, rubbing his back gently.
> 
> “Welcome home Champion.” Javier said softly

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here comes the next chapter. This includes more of Jun training, and gives a little more insight to his home life. The next few chapters will also show how Javier and Yuzuru are trying to handle everything despite Jun not telling them what's going on.
> 
> I came up with the hashtag deliberately because Hwan sounds kind of like won in English. I also wanted to shed some light on what's been going on behind the scenes that Brian has been trying to shield him from. 
> 
> So, I'd like to thank all the supportive people who have been encouraging me to write this; thank you so much guys. Without you, this wouldn't exist!
> 
> Enjoy (?) this newest chapter!!

After having fun at the gala performances and enjoying his skate to There’s Nothing Holding Me Back, Jun, Brian, and Tracy returned back to Toronto. Jun slept on the plane, as per usual, and, when they’d collected their bags, he laughed when he saw Yuzuru and Javier waiting for them with a handmade sign. They’d clearly got creative with the paints, and Tracy laughed when she saw them.

Brian clapped him on the shoulder. “We’ll see you on Monday for training. Make sure you get lots of rest and sleep. You’ve done really well.”

Javier and Yuzuru pulled him into a tight hug, rubbing his back gently.

“Welcome home Champion.” Javier said softly as Yuzuru smoothed out his hair and planted a kiss on his forehead. “This time on the way home, how about we get McFlurries?”

Jun chuckled and nodded, yawning a little as he pulled Yeou out of his bag and smoothed out his nose. In the back of the car, he slept soundly as Javier drove them back.

“Aww,” Yuzuru cooed, smiling at Jun in the backseat clutching his tissue box like a cuddly toy as he slept. “Poor thing. He must be exhausted, with two competitions so close together.”

“And all the emotional stress that’s been on his mind recently. Even though he hasn’t seen the comments, he knows there’s something going on, and he’s worried about it. You can see he’s worried about it, but he’s trying so hard not to let anyone else know. I wish he’d accept that we’re here to help him through everything.”

Yuzuru patted Javier’s hand gently, sighing back at their son. “I know. He’s a teenager though, so we have to do what we can to help him and show him we’re here. He’s very calm for a teenager as well.”

“Yeah, he is. Hopefully he’ll remember that we’re always there for him to talk to if he needs us.”

When they got back home, Yuzuru and Javier couldn’t bring themselves to wake him up. Yuzuru carried him and Yeou in while Javier carried in his bags and put the ice cream in their freezer. The pair took off Jun’s shoes for him and tucked him into bed, placing Yeou on his bedside table. Javier scooped up Sofia from in the doorway and kissed the top of her head as Yuzuru closed the door.

“Leave him for tonight Sweetie.” Javier mumbled into her furry head. “He needs sleep. He’ll cuddle you tomorrow.”

Jun trained extra hard every day and, despite getting the all clear from Brian, he still didn’t go near his social media apps. He didn’t really celebrate his seventeenth birthday, and instead focused more on his training. Yuzuru and Javier insisted on still having a small celebration with him. Nam sent him texts and memes each day, and he sent back photos of Sofia lounging around. Sofia hid in his bag once when he went to the rink, and he filmed her sliding around, much to Brian’s displeasure and Tracy’s amusement. He trained hard each and every day, but mentally he was struggling with himself. As the NHK trophy approached, Javier and Yuzuru noticed his change in appetite and attitude.

“I’m worried about him.” Javier said softly as he and Yuzuru sat together, curled up on their cream sofa with Sofia purring happily between them and Tokyo Ghoul playing on their television in the background. “He’s been hiding away in his room more, he’s barely been eating, and he’s been throwing himself into training relentlessly. He…I… I wish he would talk to us more. Tell us what’s going on in his head.”

Yuzuru nodded, muting the show and rubbing Sofia’s ears sadly. “I know. He’s… He’s become so much quieter recently. I want to help him, I really do, but we don’t know what’s going on in his head.” He rubbed at his eyes with a frown. “I wish we knew what to do.”

Javier thought for a second before he smiled a little. “I know. I have an idea. We can ask Tracy. She’ll know what to do.”

Yuzuru flinched and Javier’s face dropped.

“Would he want us to ask her?” He mumbled softly. “I’m worried about doing something that just means he’ll push us away more. I… I don’t want him to lose himself in his head. I… I’ve… I’ve been there and it’s painful. I want to help him get out of this, and get through this.”

Javier patted his shoulder gently, kissing the crown of his head. “I know,” he mumbled into Yuzuru’s hair, tears gathering in the corners of his eyes. “I know what you mean. I feel so… so…”

“Useless.” Yuzuru whispered.

Javier swallowed thickly and looked over his husband’s head to his son’s door. The K Pop poster had been removed from it as well as the fox stickers his grandmother from Japan had sent him, and it was just like the other doors in the house, lacking the life, splash of colour, and inherent Jun influence that it used to have. With the NHK trophy next week, Javier could understand it if his son was nervous, but before every other competition he’d never acted like this. This was different. Through everything, Jun Hwan Hanyu-Fernandez had always had a smile on his face. Even when he was a tiny baby in the intensive care unit, he’d been smiling behind all the tubes. When Yuzuru and Javier first brought him to the rink, he rarely stopped giggling, especially when Tracy was around and teasing him. When he first fell over on the ice, he’d laughed it off and hadn’t cried. When he dropped off the podium after a disaster free skate, he shrugged it off with a small smile and a little laugh with Brian. He smiled through every hardship, every popped jump, every fall, and every word of hate thrown at him. Never before had Javier seen him so quiet and withdrawn, and he hadn’t seen a proper smile since he’d shown them his silver medal from Skate Canada. All the ones he’d seen at the rink were fake, practiced smiles that Javier had only ever seen on his son’s face during exhausting photo shoots. They didn’t reach his eyes, and, as soon as Jun thought no one was looking, they slipped right off and were replaced by worried frowns and a bottom lip almost chewed bloody from worry. His smiles at home were very small, and were mostly directed towards Yeou or Sofia rather than his parents. His jumps were losing consistency rapidly, and his skating was starting to become more erratic. It had lost something since Skate Canada, and was lacking the fundamental elements that made Jun’s skating his own. Brian and Tracy hadn’t explicitly said anything to Javier, but they didn’t have to. Becoming a coach and having been coached by them for years himself meant that he could read the looks that they made across the room to each other when his son was skating, and it broke his heart every time he saw his old coach’s faces contorted into the frowns of worry. Never disappointment. Just worry for their student: his son.

Yuzuru curled a hand in Javier’s shirt and leaned his head against his husband’s chest with a sigh. Javier held him tightly, rubbing his shoulder carefully and looking at his son’s room sadly as Yuzuru buried his face in his chest.

Inside his room, Jun sorted some good luck notes that had been left for him at the club. He squeezed Yeou’s nose and pinned up a small collection on his pinboard. Most were written in his main three languages, but some were written in Korean, French, and Chinese that also had special places in his heart. Next to them were photos from important moments throughout his life: his first ever podium; him with his parents for the first time at the rink; him, Brian, and Tracy at the banquet at the Junior Grand Prix Final; a photo of him and Nam at Nationals last year; the photo from the time he met Yuna Kim; and so many other photos that stored memories that were held close to his heart. The notes in so many languages made him smile and his heart fluttered at the thought that people all around the world supported him. He stowed the rest in the big plastic storage box at the back of his wardrobe before he opened his laptop to finally bite the bullet and open his Twitter feed again. He swallowed thickly as he typed in his email address, and his fingers shook with nerves so much that he had to retype his password in several times. With a squeeze to Yeou’s nose, he finally went onto the website.

It was like he’d opened the floodgates from hell. Notification after notification hit him, with at mentions and hashtags everywhere. When his laptop had stopped nearly crashing from the overload of notifications, he began to read some of the more recent ones. A photo of a Toronto sunrise from Brian made him smile a little, and he sat Yeou on his lap for comfort as he started to scroll down. His smile vanished very quickly.

_The only reason he gets those huge scores is because of his parents. I’m glad Samarin won #JunWonNothing_

_It’s sad that after so long, judges still don’t score people fairly. They only score on federations and who you are #JunWonNothing_

_How shocking. A Russian and two Canadians on the podium #JunWonNothing_

_That quad toe was so underrotated it was barely a double. Glad he fell #JunWonNothing_

_When a flip is called a Lutz with an unclear edge #BlindJudges #JunWonNothing_

_Since when is Leonardo de Caprio screaming music? Should get a deduction #JunWonNothing_

_His hair is stopping him from seeing the favouritism #JunWonNothing_

_He’s like a cat but less cute and appealing. What do the judges see in him? #JunWonNothing_

_Pathetic. The fact he even has their names tarnishes their reputations #JunWonNothing_

_I thought Brian Orser was a good coach until I realised that he still teaches this cheater #JunWonNothing_

_Someone needs to stop him before other people become disheartened and think you can only win if you have famous parents #JunWonNothing_

_Nepotism at its finest. The ISU is so corrupt #JunWonNothing_

_Zhou got under rotations called. Hanyu-Fernandez only got one #JunWonNothing_

_Someone save Javier and Yuzuru from their useless son #JunWonNothing_

_Do they actually share DNA? #JunWonNothing_

_Lol, can’t believe the guy who used to coach the Olympic medallists and Champions coaches this train wreak #JunWonNothing_

_Lutz have a closer look at the edge now, shall we? I might flip out if we don’t #JunWonNothing_

_Flutzes. Flutzes everywhere #JunWonNothing_

_I’d flip out if my student did a lutz like that #JunWonNothing_

_Disgusting judging at Skate Canada. Hope he doesn’t get to the final #JunWonNothing_

_If he gets to the final, I’m done with this sport #JunWonNothing_

Jun slammed his laptop lid shut and blinked back his tears furiously. Stubbornly they still fell, and he wiped them away quickly. He cuddled Yeou tighter and sniffed quietly as he cried into his tissue box cover.

Sofia wiggled out of Javier’s and Yuzuru’s embrace and ran up to Jun’s door, headbutting it quietly. The door opened a crack, just enough for her to slip in, before it closed again. Javier and Yuzuru exchanged yet another worried glance.

“Sweetie?” Yuzuru asked gently, knocking on the door and leaning against it. “Are you okay?”

“’M fine.” A quiet, muffled voice from inside replied. Yuzuru sighed.

“You’ll tell us if there’s something wrong, right?”

“Yes Dad.” He mumbled again.

“I love you.” Yuzuru whispered, fingers resting lightly on the doorknob. He decided against going in with a sigh, leaning against the door as Javier came over and hugged him.

A quiet, choked up reply came.

“I love you too.”

“That’s why I can’t tell them.” Jun whispered to Sofia and Yeou. “What if they get hurt too? Or blame themselves? This is my burden to carry, not theirs, not Brian’s, and not Tracy’s. Mine. So, you two can keep a secret, right?”

Sofia mewed quietly and nuzzled against his hand gently as a reply.

Jun stumbled on his triple lutz, landing hard with a frown before he skated over to Brian and frowned, blowing his nose with a tissue from Yeou.

“It’s okay,” Brian said softly. “It’s okay. Don’t worry. Are you alright? Did you get hurt?”

“I didn’t get hurt.” Jun mumbled softly, petting his tissue box. “What do I need to do to improve?”

Brian shook his head and pushed him towards the edge of the ice. “You need to clear your head. You don’t want to tell me what’s going through it, and that’s fine, you don’t have to, but something needs to be done about it. You’re leaving for the NHK trophy soon, and I want you to be in the best mental state that you can be. You’re clearly not, but you don’t want to talk about what’s plaguing you. Please Jun, understand the position you’re in. I won’t let you skate if I think you’re going to hurt yourself, and given how you nearly smacked your head against the wall earlier, I’m justified in taking you off the ice. Take some time, get some lunch, and think everything over.” Brian patted his shoulder sympathetically. “All athlete suffer, Jun. We all have thoughts we wish we didn’t have, problems we never want to inflict on others, stuff like that. But talking about this is the most important thing. I…” Brian shook his head. “At least talk to one of your friends if you struggle to talk to me or Tracy or your parents.”

Jun nodded wordlessly as he took off his skates, placing them in his suitcase. Brian was nowhere near as good as Tracy at this sort of thing, but his student’s actions and expressions were so unlike the boy he’d known and taught for ten years of his life. Jun was always so happy, lighting up every space he was in with his sunny personality and bright smiles. He laughed and made jokes with all his friends, and he took all his falls and everything in his stride. He didn’t back down from a challenge, but he knew when to stop and rest. Now, however, all Brian saw was a scared young man pushing himself way too hard, pushing himself to the brink of injury, and mentally struggling. Brian really wanted to ask him what was wrong, what he could do to help, but he couldn’t bring himself to be the one to shatter the façade that Jun had so carefully built around himself. He couldn’t break the trust they’d formed over the years. Still, internally Brian battled with himself.

Jun all but ran from the rink home with Yeou tucked under his arm carefully and tears burning in his eyes. Just making himself go to the rink was hard enough each day with the pressure of the comments weighing on his shoulders. The NHK trophy was coming up, and they would be leaving soon. He couldn’t hide this all from Brian or his parents forever, especially since his parents were coming with him so that he could see his Japanese family while he was there. Jun swallowed down the lump in his throat as he thought about how his parents would react to all of this. He sent Javier a quick text to say he was heading home and that he wasn’t feeling well.

Jun unlocked the door to their apartment and slammed it shut behind him, waking Sofia up from where she’d been asleep on Javier’s laptop. She ran over to him and he petted her ears gently, picking her up with a soft smile.

“Hello Sofia,” he mumbled, kissing the top of her head gently as he carried her into the kitchen area. He took a pack of snack seaweed from the cupboard and let her sit on his shoulders as he went into his room.

He dropped the food, staring at his pinboard. Jun suppressed the urge to scream. There, with his pictures and good luck notes tossed all over his carpet, was a note covering his whole board.

_Remember what I told you._


	11. The extended Hanyu-Fernandez family

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jun dropped to his knees, head in his hands as he began to shake and cry. His home, his safe space, was being invaded and shattered. He’d tried so hard to keep his family away from this mess but a wave of failure and guilt washed over him. He couldn’t hold back the tears and the sobs. He reached for his inhaler, just in case, and he covered his head with his arms.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As you can probably tell from the summary, we don't open with a happy note. However, later in this chapter, there will be some fluff for a change! I'm sending Jun to the NHK trophy because I wanted a reason to write him having fun with his extended family (and an extra surprise later, a good one I promise!) Fun fact: the communicating through hand gestures and drawings is based of a real life experience for me. My family went to see a concert with another family who had brought their Russian grandfather. My grandpa and he spoke German to each other and made themselves feel understood through drawings as well
> 
> Once again, I want to thank all of the really supportive people who have encouraged me to write this by sending lots of crying gifs at me whenever I tell them what my next plot idea is. This chapter is for all of you!
> 
> Enjoy (?) this chapter xx

Jun dropped to his knees, head in his hands as he began to shake and cry. His home, his safe space, was being invaded and shattered. He’d tried so hard to keep his family away from this mess but a wave of failure and guilt washed over him. He couldn’t hold back the tears and the sobs. He reached for his inhaler, just in case, and he covered his head with his arms.

The sound of something ripping caught his attention, and he saw Sofia sitting on his desk, reaching up with her claws dug into the middle of the note. She pulled down, shredding the bottom of the note. Jun picked himself up on shaky legs and held her higher. Her paws flailed and she all but shredded the note into ribbons.

“Thanks Sofia.” He mumbled, kissing the top of her head again before he cleaned up the mess of strips of paper. Exhausted, he picked up the snack seaweed and placed it on the desk as well as a pile of his pictures. None of the pictures had been damaged, so whoever took them off was very careful, but all the notes had been torn to shreds too. He cleared them into his bin before he flopped onto his bed face down and just inhaled the comforting scent of his sheets.

When Yuzuru got home, he spotted Jun’s open door. Curiosity got the better of him, and he poked his head in. On the bed, Jun was curled up with Sofia in his arms tightly, dead to the world. Yuzuru brushed some of the hair out of his eyes lovingly before he looked around the rest of the room. So much had changed in such a short time. The signed Monsta X poster wasn’t put up anymore, and his pinboard was completely empty with a pile of photos on the desk. Yuzuru picked them up, looking back at Jun before he started going through them. He smiled at Javier’s expression in the photo of Jun’s first day at the rink, remembering the memory fondly. Brian, Tracy, and Jun looked so happy at the gala that Yuzuru decided to put the picture down on the desk before he broke the happiness saved in that one snapshot. The photo from the Autumn Classic made him smile, especially the selfie Michal had taken and Jun had printed off, and the selfie of Jun and Nam at Nationals warmed Yuzuru’s heart. With a sigh, he put the pictures back and kissed his son’s forehead gently, scooping up the sleeping Sofia and closing Jun’s door quietly.

“Hi Yuzu,” Yuzuru turned with Sofia in his arms to see Javier shaking the rain off his umbrella in the doorway. “Hola Princesa!” he cooed at Sofia, kissing the top of her furry head. She shuffled away from him and his wet jacket and Yuzuru chuckled quietly.

“He’s asleep,” he said gently, “and I don’t want to wake him up, but I did see his room.”

Javier paused, halfway to their kitchen area. “Oh?”

“The posters are all gone.” Javier stiffened at that. “All taken down, and his walls are empty. His pinboard is also empty.”

“No photos or good luck comments from the fans?” Javier asked, frowning.

“None, but there is a pile of photos on his desk, and—”

“Did you go through my room while I was asleep?”

Yuzuru and Javier both stiffened and turned slowly. Jun was standing there, looking between the two of them, but not with an expression of betrayal or anger. No, Jun looked terrified.

“I did,” Yuzuru confessed, and Jun stepped back instantly. His father held up his hands quickly, “We’re worried about you. We didn’t—”

“So going through my stuff was your bright idea? I don’t go through your stuff!” Jun tried to sound forceful but Javier could see the tears gathering in his eyes.

“I didn’t go through it!” Yuzuru’s temper flared slightly and Javier stepped in between them. “Your door was open! I was checking to make sure you were okay!”

“I’m fine!” Jun snapped, tears streaming down his face. Javier would have laughed at how much he reminded him of a very stubborn Yuzuru if he hadn’t been overwhelmed with concern for his son. “I’m fine, so just stop meddling!”

“It’s not meddling! We just want to make sure you’re alright, is that so bad? Is it so bad your parents want to make sure you’re not eating yourself away by hiding in your own head? Is it so bad your parents care about you and want to know what’s going on in your life? Is it so bad your parents want to help you? In that case, we must be the shittiest parents in the world then!” Javier put a hand on Yuzuru’s shoulder to try and calm his husband down.

Jun burst into tears and ran back to his room, wiping them away furiously. “This doesn’t concern you! You’re one to talk about letting people in, aren’t you _Yuzuru Hanyu?_ Stop meddling! I’m fine, and maybe I’m not telling you for a reason, so butt out!”

Jun slammed his door, scaring Sofia out of Yuzuru’s arms. Javier pulled his husband into a tight hug, letting him cry against his shoulder.

A twenty-hour journey to Japan for the NHK trophy with two stops was not what Javier was looking forward to. At the second stop, Yuzuru mumbled something about buying them drinks, and he wandered off to find a coffee shop. Javier turned to his son, who instantly avoided his eye contact.

“Jun,” Javier said very softly, “we don’t know what’s going on in your head right now. We’re only your parents. Sadly, we’re not super human.”

“Says you Super Javi,” Jun joked quietly, and Javier chuckled a little before he rubbed his son’s shoulder.

“I’m being serious,” he said softly. “Your father and I aren’t super human. We don’t know what to do in every situation, and sometimes we mess up and make mistakes. We’re not perfect.”

Jun nodded slowly, fiddling with his keyring on his bag. Javier pulled him closer into a hug, smiling a little.

“We’re sorry Jun,” he mumbled, and Jun hugged him back tightly, “I’m sorry we’re not perfect, and I promise you we’re trying our best for you. If there’s anything, absolutely anything on your mind, we will always, always look after you and accept you.”

Jun didn’t say anything; he only buried his face in Javier’s shoulder. When Yuzuru came over with their drinks, Javier had to take them quickly before they were spilt by Jun hugging his dad tightly.

“I’m sorry for what I said,” Jun mumbled, and Yuzuru held him tightly in a hug, smiling a little.

“I’m sorry too.”

“I love you.” Jun mumbled, looking up at Yuzuru with wide, tear filled brown eyes.

“I love you too.” Yuzuru kissed his forehead gently. “I love you so much. We both do. And we always will.”

The flight was much nicer for Javier after that. He held Yuzuru’s hand, stroking the back of it lightly with his thumb as he watched a mindless movie, and Jun was fast asleep on his other side. Javier moved some of Jun’s hair out of his face carefully, smiling at him lovingly.

Even with his mask on, getting Yuzuru through Sendai airport was a nightmare. Once they’d gone through immigration and passport control, Jun pulled his mask over his nose quickly as people swarmed around the family. Javier pulled him away from Yuzuru to go and collect their bags, and luckily the security that Yuzuru had politely requested arrived in time to hold back waves of fans. The small family was quickly guided out of the building and into a taxi.

A short ride later brought the trio to Yuzuru’s old family home, and he all but bounced up to the front door, knocking on it. A flurry of Japanese was exchanged, a little too hard still for Javier’s improved understanding of the language, and the group was pulled into the family’s house. Jun’s grandparents and his aunt fussed over him, giving him lots of hugs and kisses. His grandmother whisked him away and Yuzuru and Javier were left in the doorway of the house.

“Unbelievable. They steal my baby and run off.” Yuzuru said, shaking his head at Javier with a laugh. “And he leaves us with all the stuff to carry.”

Javier picked up his husband, giving him a piggy back. “Come on. Let’s go to the guest room and then leave his stuff in your old room.”

In the living room, Yuzuru’s mother poured Jun a cup of tea and Saya fussed over him, giving him kiss on the crown of his head and a big hug.

“How’s my little angel?” His grandmother asked in Japanese, cooing at him with a bright smile. “Yuzuru told me you won another silver medal in Canada. We’re so proud of you!”

Jun smiled and slipped into Japanese easily too. “I did, yes. I brought it with me to show you, and hopefully I’ll get a medal at NHK to show you all too.”

His aunt Saya smiled and hugged him tightly. “I’m so proud of my cute little nephew! You’re so talented; you make all of us so proud of you.”

Jun blushed a little and hugged her back with a little grin. “Thank you.” He loved spending time with his family, especially his aunts. Aunt Laura taught him first aid when he was little, and Aunt Saya helped him sneak into the rink in Sendai when she knew no one would else would be there. Both of them had clubbed together to buy his very first fox toy that he still had at home.

“Are you tormenting him again Saya?” Yuzuru asked from the doorway, stealing his sister’s attention. Saya laughed and cuddled Jun closer.

“Of course I’m not tormenting him little brother!”

“Children,” Yuzuru’s mother cut in, shaking her head a little, “settle down. How is it that my grandson is more mature than my children?”

Javier snorted from the doorway when the doorbell rang behind him. Raising an eyebrow, he opened the door only to gasp and swap to Spanish.

“Mum? Dad? Laura?!”

“Hi Javi!” His mother hugged him tightly as Laura shoved her brother out of the way.

“Where’s my little nephew?” She smiled brightly when she saw Saya cuddling Jun. She ran over and hugged him too, swapping to English for Saya’s benefit.

“Hi Jun! How’s our super talented nephew? Excited for the NHK trophy?”

“Yes,” Jun said with a little extra confidence. “What are you guys doing here?”

“We had to come and see you, silly! You’re in Japan, and we thought that it would be lovely for you to have all your family here at once.”

Jun just pulled both of his aunts in for tight hug, too choked up with emotion to talk. Yuzuru spoke to Javier’s mother animatedly about choreography as Javier spoke politely to Yuzuru’s mother about Yuzuru’s fussy habits with food. In the kitchen, Javier’s father and Yuzuru’s father communicated through broken English, hand gestures, and drawings about the Olympics. The house fully felt alive.

Yuzuru’s mother had cooked up a huge feast compared to what Jun was used to, and, after saying their thanks for the food, Yuzuru’s father set the tone of the conversation in Japanese, with Javier translating it into Spanish for his parents.

“Jun Hwan,” the teenager looked up to see meet his grandfather’s eyes, “congratulations on your two silver medals already in this season. We’re so proud of you, and we will be supporting you through the NHK Trophy and beyond.” The old man smiled at his grandson.

Jun smiled shyly at his grandfather, bowing his head to him out of respect. Laura and Saya then decided to take charge of the conversation in English.

“So Chorizo,” Laura said with a smirk at Javier, “you had more hair when I saw you before. Are you turning into your old coach?”

Javier choked on his ramen, spluttering into his bowl much to Yuzuru’s amusement. “What’s that meant to mean Laura?”

Saya laughed and poked Yuzuru too. “Hey, Yuzu, after Jun won his silver medals, he didn’t ask to get tonkatsu, did he?”

Yuzuru flushed and hid his face in Javier’s shoulder. “Saya stop being mean to me!”

Laura and Saya high fived as their brothers became flustered and embarrassed. Yuzuru’s father just shook his head at his daughter’s antics, chuckling to himself.

“No one would believe that you two are forty-three and forty-five years old. Three and five maybe.”

Javier’s father laughed and answered in English too. “No one would believe that mine are forty-six and forty-eight. Like you said, six and eight maybe.”

Jun ate quietly and, when the family had finished, he offered to clear everything up for his family. He hummed along to the radio in the kitchen as he washed up their bowls with the rest of the family chatting in the living room. Yuzuru excused himself quietly before he went over and leaned against the doorway to the kitchen.

“Are you alright?” he asked in Japanese.

Jun looked up from the bowl and gave Yuzuru a very little smile, nodding. “Yeah, I love seeing everyone. I always forget how much I miss the family.”

“That’s not what I meant,” Yuzuru said softly as he pulled Jun into a little hug. “I mean, how are you feeling for NHK?”

“Nervous.” He admitted.

Yuzuru kissed the top of his head and stroked his shoulder gently. “Make sure you offload it onto Brian before you skate. He’s there to support you when you’re skating and make sure you’re alright.”

Jun nodded, drying his hands before he hugged Yuzuru tightly. “I know Brian will look after me. He and Tracy are good at supporting me.”

Yuzuru nodded silently as he held Jun tightly. His mother walked into the kitchen, picked up a glass of water and smiled at him before he left.

“I love you Dad.” Jun said quietly into Yuzuru’s shoulder.

“I love you too.”


	12. NHK: The short programme, and getting help

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jun bounced his knees nervously as he waited for his turn on the ice. He was skating fourth in the first group at NHK, and he had been ready to perform during the warm up. The wait was killing him, and Brian did his best to keep him focused and ready.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two chapters? In one day? What is this madness? I can't stop writing this, so yes, have another chapter! This one starts off with normal competition stuff and then goes more to the family stuff. There isn't much else to say about this other than: enjoy, and thank you for reading!

Jun bounced his knees nervously as he waited for his turn on the ice. He was skating fourth in the first group at NHK, and he had been ready to perform during the warm up. The wait was killing him, and Brian did his best to keep him focused and ready. As the person before him got their scores, he shook hands with Brian and patted Yeou’s nose softly.

“Trust your training.” Brian said softly, and Jun nodded before he skated around the rink, pushing into his edges deeply as he focused, going through his pre-skating rituals. In the audience, his family were waving several homemade banners and were cheering very loudly. Jun took a deep breath and stopped in the middle of the rink, getting into his starting position for Cinderella.

The music started and Jun relaxed into it, smiling as he glided around the rink. He barely registered what was going on as his body moved automatically, launching him into a quad salchow. He landed it smoothly, smiling as he skated out of it and down to the other end of the rink. Full of confidence, he prepared for his triple-triple combination when he spotted the banner waving just behind his family.

_Remember what I told you_

Jun launched into the triple lutz with his weight all wrong. The fact that he stayed on his feet was a miracle, and, when he launched into the triple loop, he knew it wouldn’t end well. Again, the fact that he stayed on his feet was a miracle again, but he knew he had under rotated the jump. His spin was a little wobbly but he managed to get it under control fine. He was very tense as he entered his triple axel and was tight on the landing, underrotating it. He pushed himself hard and spun neatly and beautifully. His step sequence was tenser than normal as his eyes were almost always draw back to the banner. His final spin came too fast and soon he was standing in his final pose, chest tighter than normal. He still smiled to the audience and took his bows, catching a fox plushie half the size of him thrown down by a very enthusiastic Canadian family. He waved at them with a smile before he hugged Brian and sat down in the Kiss and Cry with him.

“How was it?” Brian asked gently, looking behind the plushie to his student. His heart sunk a little when he noticed that his smile didn’t meet his eyes.

“Could have been better.” Jun said with a little shrug. “But there’s more I can do, and I can start changing things from tomorrow. I can do it in the free too.”

Brian patted his shoulder gently with a little smile. “It wasn’t bad today. There were a couple of under rotations, but I’m still really proud of you.”

Jun nodded and squeezed Yeou’s nose too.

“The scores please.” Jun tensed up, face falling into a serious frown as he held Yeou and the giant plushie tighter.

“Jun Hwan Hanyu-Fernandez has earned in the free programme,” the announcer said in Japanese and Brian looked over at him with a worried frown, “is 82.82 points.” Jun swallowed and tilted his head a little. “He is currently in first place.”

Brian clapped him on the back with a little smile. “You’ve done pretty well. I don’t think you’ll be in first at the end, but I’m really proud of you. You might have a little work to do for the free.”

Jun nodded and stood up, stumbling under the weight of the giant fox plushie. He handed it to one of the flower girls along with a pat to her head and she squealed, giving him a big hug before he went away from the main rink.

When all was said and done, Jun was in fourth place after the short programme, three points behind third place and ten behind second. He didn’t have to go to the press conference, and so, once he’d drawn his starting number, he was free to spend lots of time with his family. His aunts officially stole him and took him out for the afternoon, leaving Yuzuru and Javier with their parents.

“How are you both?” Yuzuru’s mother asked gently in precise English as the group of six squeezed into a booth in the corner of a cat café. Javier scooped up a big fluffy one who looked similar to Sofia back at home and started petting her ears as their drinks arrived. Yuzuru sipped at his tea for a moment before he sighed, setting the cup down.

“Struggling.” He admitted. “People… They have no idea.”

His mother raised an eyebrow at him. “What do you mean Sweetheart?”

Javier placed his free hand on his husband’s back, rubbing it with a small sigh. “Jun’s um… Jun’s been… Withdrawn recently.”

“Is he stressed?” Javier’s mother asked softly, head tilted to the side as she played with the rim of her coffee cup. Yuzuru shook his head.

“You know he always smiles.” The whole family nodded. “His smiles haven’t been real. They’ve…” Yuzuru’s English escaped him and he gestured to his eyes.

“They’ve been mouth only.” Javier took over, leaning around the two new cats who had climbed onto him. “He’s not been smiling properly. He has a media smile and a normal smile.”

“We’ve only seen the media smile.” Yuzuru sighed, face in his hands.

“He’s hiding something from us, but we don’t want to ask. He keeps clamming up whenever we do.”

“Ah,” Javier’s father cut in with a sad smile, “that’s something all teenagers do. Especially boys. The world tells them that feelings are bad, especially ones that mean they want to cry.”

“The best thing you can do,” Yuzuru’s father said with a nod, “is to respect him but offer him all the support you can. We never shut down your dreams, Yuzuru, even when I wanted to veto your decision to go to the second Olympics because of your injury. We respected you and offered you support while letting you make your own choice.”

Yuzuru nodded seriously, looking down into his cup of tea. Javier pulled him into a tight hug as the first tear fell.

“What happened to my carefree baby who didn’t care about scores or fans or anything and just enjoyed being free on the ice?”

“He got good, Yuzuru,” Javier’s mother offered him a tissue. “He got good and people didn’t like it, and they took out their frustrations on him. It’s not his fault; we know that, you know that, but some of the fans don’t know that. The fault is with the judges.”

“Not the skaters,” Yuzuru finished quietly, pulling back from Javier’s hug. “It’s so hard for him though. He’s still so young.”

“I know he is.” Yuzuru’s mother patted his arm as a cat crawled onto Yuzuru’s lap, nuzzling against his chest. “I know he is, but we’ve got to trust him, and Brian, and you can do so much to help him, just by showing him that you still love and support him.”

Yuzuru leaned his head on Javier’s shoulder, nodding. His husband pecked his cheek lightly and both mothers had to suppress the urge to coo at them.

“We’re back!” The group looked up to see Saya and Laura pulling a very happy Jun with them. They pulled up two chairs for the aunts and Jun squished onto the sofa next to Javier. Three cats instantly wandered onto his lap, demanding pets and kisses.

“Where did you guys go?” Javier’s mother asked gently.

“We went to the Meiji Jingu shrine.” Saya supplied with a gentle smile and a hand resting on Jun’s shoulder. “It was lovely and quiet today.” Jun looked up at her with a loving smile and she continued. “Someone really liked the forest.”

“It’s beautiful.” Laura said gently too. “And then we went to Akihabara for a bit and bought him a plushie.” Jun held up his pikachu with a bright smile. Yuzuru and Javier exchanged a look: real.

The family settled into comfortable conversations. Jun focused all his attention on the cats on his lap, humming quietly as he petted their fluffy heads gently. He normally would have laughed at their antics, with one obsessed with trying to catch its own tail, but he just played with their paws, frowning a little. He petted the cats, lost in his own mind.

“Jun? Jun Hwan?” Yuzuru waving a hand in front of his face snapped his attention back to the real world. “You alright?”

Jun nodded, lifting one of the cats off his lap and onto Javier’s with a small smile. “Bathroom.” He mumbled before he stood up and powerwalked over to the café’s bathroom. The family exchanged a look.

Jun splashed some water on his face and stared at himself in the mirror with a frown. His bottom lip had seriously suffered in the past few weeks since Skate Canada; it had almost been chewed bloody so many times and was still red from the worrying it suffered between his teeth. His eye bags were so prominent compared to how they’d been before the season, and even Jun’s specially altered jeans were getting looser around the waist for him. Jun’s cheekbones were more prominent and he touched his cheeks lightly, frowning at the breakouts of acne.

He sighed and shook his head at his reflection, smiling to himself confidently in the mirror before he stepped back out into the café, sighing a little. One of the waitresses stopped him on his way back to the table with a little bow. She handed him a note and stepped out of his way quickly. Jun shook his head, pocketing it before he sat back down with his family. Yuzuru raised an eyebrow at him but he just smiled and went back to petting the cats.

After Yuzuru’s parents paid and they’d had to drag Javier away from the cats, Yuzuru, Javier, and Jun returned back to the hotel. After getting dinner, Yuzuru and Javier sent him off to bed with hugs, smiles, and good luck kisses. Jun returned to his own room, toeing off his shoes as he pulled off his clothes and showered. Once he was done, he took a moment to just stand in front of the mirror and frowned. His ribs were becoming much more obvious, and he rubbed a hand lightly over his stomach with a frown. Towelling off his hair, he walked back down into his room.

There, on his bed, Yeou was surrounded by a circle of notes, each written in a different language. The note he’d got from the maid café was propped up against his tissue box, and Jun tentatively picked up one of the cards.

_Remember what I told you_

He picked up another, the one in Spanish

_Remember what I told you Jun Hwan_

The Japanese one.

_Remember what I told you_

Jun shoved them off his bed quickly, snatching up Yeou away from them. His eyes involuntarily filled with tears and he sat down with his tissue box, sobbing into its fluffy head.


	13. NHK: The free programme

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Brian had seen people skating in awful conditions throughout his life. He’d seen Javier win a world championship title with a bursa on his right foot. He’d seen Yuzuru push through horrendous injuries to win the Olympic title again and make history. Lord knows, he’d carried these boys half out of the rink when they’d pushed themselves much too hard. But nothing, nothing could have prepared him for the state of Jun Hwan Hanyu-Fernandez the morning of his free skate.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again everyone! Here is yet another chapter of this mess of angst and everything else. This has some nice fluffy stuff nearer the end. I hope you enjoy this chapter! Thank you once again to everyone who has been so supportive of this xx

Brian had seen people skating in awful conditions throughout his life. He’d seen Javier win a world championship title with a bursa on his right foot. He’d seen Yuzuru push through horrendous injuries to win the Olympic title again and make history. Lord knows, he’d carried these boys half out of the rink when they’d pushed themselves much too hard. But nothing, nothing could have prepared him for the state of Jun Hwan Hanyu-Fernandez the morning of his free skate.

He was extremely pale, and the bags under his eyes had increased tenfold. He was just stirring around his bowl of porridge, not making any attempt to eat it. He hadn’t even stirred in any peanut butter like he normally would. Despite being 5’8”, he seemed tiny to Brian just because he was trying to physically hide himself from the other people’s eyes.

Tracy sat down next to him and rubbed his shoulders lightly. “Hey. Talk to me. How are you feeling?”

“Fine,” Jun mumbled, sipping at his cup of green tea.

Tracy sighed and patted his shoulder. “Talk to me? Please? About anything. What’s going on with the KPop group you like? How is your Korean coming along?”

Jun shrugged, pushing his bowl away from him. Brian pushed it straight back with a frown.

“You haven’t actually eaten anything. I know you and your dad like to make me look fatter and fatter, but this is getting ridiculous. I watched you stir that around for ten minutes Jun. I’m sorry, but I won’t let you compete without breakfast.”

Jun dutifully started to eat the porridge, frowning a little as he ate slowly. Brian and Tracy exchanged a look over his head as he finished up.

“We’ve got about an hour again before we need to go to the arena.” Brian patted his shoulder lightly. “Just… Do what you need to do.”

Jun nodded and went through the motions of going up to his room. He threw up as he’d expected he would from the nerves and stress combined, cleaned his teeth dutifully, packed up his costumes, scooped up Yeou, and didn’t bother to look at the notes scattered artistically on his desk, covered in English calligraphy, kanji, hangul, and other languages and alphabets. He swept them all into the bin before he picked up his bags and stepped back out into the hallway. He met Brian and Tracy in the foyer before they got onto the bus to the arena together. Jun was skating first in the final group, so he spent most of the time before the first group doing his off ice warm up. When he got a nod from Brian, he got changed into his costume before he and the rest of the final group stepped out onto the ice.

The warm up was terrible for Jun. He didn’t land anything harder than a double and he either popped or fell on everything else. He skated over to Brian with an empty look Brian had never seen on him before. The coach patted his shoulder gently as Jun blew his nose on a tissue, taking a deep breath.

“Relax,” Brian said gently. He pretended to take a bag off Jun’s bag. “Leave all the baggage here. Go out there and have fun, okay?”

Jun nodded and shook his hand, the ghost of a smile on his lips. He skated firmly into his edges and raised his arms to the crowd with a media-perfect smile. He took his starting position at the centre of the rink, still feeling a little tense.

_Have fun_

Jun started his choreography, running through the motions his body knew from all his practice. His opening quad toe loop wasn’t perfect but he stayed on his feet and he fully rotated it. The burst of adrenaline gave him extra confidence and he started to get into the programme more. His confidence was short-lived however, as he knew from the moment he took off the quad salchow it wouldn’t be good.

He landed badly, hissing quietly as a flare of pain shot up from his right ankle. He pushed himself back up and pushed it out of his mind, adrenaline quelling the physical pain as he pushed through the programme to the triple-triple combination. He fully rotated both jumps and forced himself to concentrate as he did his step sequence, the pain in his right ankle evident all the way through it. His first spin was beautiful, especially the layover position, and he started his choreographic sequence, projecting his Romeo interpretation to the back of the arena. His first triple axel take off caused more pain, reminding him that there was something wrong with his ankle, and he landed the double toe after on the quarter mark. Both jumps were under, but he was glad that he hadn’t fallen. The second triple axel was much better and was fully rotated, but it wasn’t pain free. Jun swallowed down the urge to scream as he did his triple flip, Euler, triple salchow combination, under rotating the last jump due to the severe pain in his ankle that even adrenaline couldn’t keep at bay. His final jump, the triple loop, hurt like hell, but he held on and fully rotated it. The pain was still there mentally, and he dropped a level on his change of foot combination spin. He threw his all into the final sections of choreography, committing suicide as his version of Romeo would in the club before he entered his change of foot sit spin. He threw his head back and took the final position when a wave of exhaustion hit him.

Once again, the crowd was on their feet, clapping and cheering loudly for him. Jun bowed to them with a smile but, as the adrenaline left him fully, the pain in his right ankle flared up horribly. He skated back over to the boards on mostly his left foot, chewing his lip as he collected some flowers and plushies from some lovely Japanese ladies. Brian handed him his blade guards and noted that he put a lot of weight on the boards when he was standing on his right foot.

“Ankle?” Brian asked, quietly enough that the cameras couldn’t pick it up.

“After the sal.” Brian nodded in understanding as they sat down in the Kiss and Cry. “I’m not crying, so it’s probably not broken.”

“Maybe do something easier on you for the gala then. Not that there’s anything wrong with There’s Nothing Holding Me Back, but it’s a little intense at points.”

Jun nodded, smiling a little at his coach with a genuine smile. “I’ve had a great idea for it, but it’s very secret.”

Tracy patted his leg gently with a grin. “You were so good out there. Worry about the gala later; this is the free skate moment!”

Jun laughed and nodded, squeezing Yeou’s nose. When the camera focused on him, he bowed his head repeatedly and waved to the audience a little shyly.

“The scores please,” Jun swallowed nervously, rubbing at his ankle over his boot unconsciously. Tracy held his hand tightly and rubbed the back of it gently with her thumb as the three of them anxiously waited, watching for the scores.

“Hanyu-Fernandez-san has earned in the free programme, 160.37 points. His total competition score is 243.19 points, and he is currently in first place.”

The crowd went wild and Brian hugged Jun tightly with a smile. The teenager laughed, a proper good laugh, and waved to the crowd happily. Tracy looped an arm around him and she and Brian helped him out of the Kiss and Cry, over to some medical staff.

It turned out Jun’s ankle wasn’t broken and he had a minor sprain. He would need to rest it for a few weeks, but, after that, he would be fine to skate. If his scores held up, he’d be able to go to and compete in the final. Brian patted him on the shoulder and pointed to the scoreboard.

“Look who’s going to the final.” He said with a little laugh. Jun followed his eyeline and gasped. He was still in first place with only Brezina to go. He’d done enough to get through to the Grand Prix Final in his first ever year as a senior.

Jun tightly hugged Brian and Tracy, smiling so much that it almost made up for his lack of smiles over the past few weeks. He didn’t even care that Michal beat him by more than ten points. He had _done it._

He nearly tripped over his own feet as he made his way out onto the podium on crutches, shaking Mikhail’s hand. The Russian helped him up onto the podium with a little chuckle, and Jun hugged Michal tightly when he came out and got the gold. Jun couldn’t help but fiddle with his silver medal as the Czech national anthem played, and, although he couldn’t do a lap of honour, he held his Canadian flag up with pride and waved to all his fans. As he stepped off the carpeted area, he turned back to the crowds.

“Arigatou!” He shouted, waving to the crowd with a smile that lit up the whole room. Michal laughed and pulled him and Mikhail in for a selfie before they went off to the press conference.

After an exhausting press conference and another selfie with Michal, Jun moved himself to find his family, getting a big hug from both his grandmothers and aunts when he eventually found them. Yuzuru patted him on the back and Javier slung an arm around his shoulders.

“Well done our little Grand Prix Final qualifier!” Javier said happily, ruffling his hair. “We’re ready for dinner when you are.”

“Now?” Jun asked, yawning into his sleeve as Yuzuru passed him a face mask.

Saya and Laura decided to take turns carrying him and Javier got stuck carrying his skating bags as Yuzuru carried the crutches. Jun laughed as his aunts treated him like a princess all the way to the sushi restaurant.

“How come I ended up being the pack horse?” Javier grumbled. Yuzuru laughed and kissed him on the cheek quickly.

“I know one other area where you’re like a horse too Javi.”

“Your child is right here.” Saya said, shaking her head as she set down. “Save the sex jokes for another time.”

Jun snorted with laughter, shaking his head. “Aunt Saya, I’m seventeen. I know exactly what they meant.”

Saya and Laura gasped hugging him tightly. “You two have tainted our baby!”

Dinner was so relaxing for Jun, and he could barely keep his eyes open at the end of their meal. Javier carried him back as Yuzuru carried his bags back to the hotel. They said goodbye to the rest of their family, promising to see them at the gala, before they carried Jun up to his room. Javier tucked him into bed as Yuzuru put down his bags.

“Sleep well Sweetheart,” Javier said softly, and they left his room quietly.

Neither of Jun’s parents had noticed the notes left under Jun’s pillow.


	14. NHK: The gala, and home again

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jun woke up on the morning of the gala and stretched out, smiling as he patted Yeou gently. The silver medal sat next to his tissue box in its case, and he lightly traced it, glowing with happiness. He glanced across the room to where his costumes were hung up and smiled brighter.
> 
> Brian didn’t even bother to raise an eyebrow at the teenager opposite him wearing a too-short fox onesie at breakfast, eating peanut butter toast with banana on top as well as porridge. The coach laughed a little actually.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> 2nd chapter of the day, I know, but I couldn't hold this one back. Fair warning: after this chapter they get shorter (mainly because I was struggling to put in a lot of detail and make them much longer), so yeah. Also fair warning: THIS CHAPTER AND THE NEXT ONE ARE THE WORST FOR CONTENT
> 
> So, for this one, enjoy one of my favourite programmes ever as it makes an appearance. Thank you to everyone who has been supporting me in writing this, and I'm sorry about the end.

Jun woke up on the morning of the gala and stretched out, smiling as he patted Yeou gently. The silver medal sat next to his tissue box in its case, and he lightly traced it, glowing with happiness. He glanced across the room to where his costumes were hung up and smiled brighter.

Brian didn’t even bother to raise an eyebrow at the teenager opposite him wearing a too-short fox onesie at breakfast, eating peanut butter toast with banana on top as well as porridge. The coach laughed a little actually.

“Good to see your appetite for _that_ is back.” Brian sipped at his coffee with a smile. Jun just grinned brightly. “How are you feeling for the gala? I know they said you can skate on it but…”

“I’ll only do the triple loop and a single axel.” Jun promised. Brian raised an eyebrow at him.

“Oh God, I know what you’re planning.”

Jun just grinned and finished his toast.

“I’m excited!” Yuzuru said from behind his mask with a grin. The family had got really good seats throughout the competition, but Yuzuru had pulled some strings to ensure that they got some of the best seats in the whole arena for the gala. He all but bounced in his seat as they waited for Jun to be announced.

“The men’s silver medallist, from Canada, Jun Hwan Hanyu-Fernandez!” The announcer said, and, as the lights came up, Yuzuru gasped, hands flying up to cover his mouth as Javier raised an eyebrow at his husband. Instead of wearing the costume for his normal exhibition skate, Jun was wearing a flowing pink costume that looked like it had been made from cherry blossoms themselves. He raised his arms to the arena before he took his position at the centre of the ice.

“You plan this?” Yuzuru asked Javier who just shook his head. The whole arena fell silent as the music of Haru yo Koi started to play.

Jun was magical. Yuzuru had performed Haru yo Koi beautifully at his peak, but Jun knew exactly what he needed to do to convey the beauty and emotion of the performance. His movements were soft and subtle, touching the hearts of every member of the audience. He drew the music inside of him and presented it perfectly to the audience through his skating. His triple loop was flawless and beautiful; if Yuzuru hadn’t known about it, he would have assumed that he didn’t have an injury.

Jun turned, hand raised to the audience, and Yuzuru’s breath caught in his throat. Even from far away, the brown eyes that matched his own so well seemed to find his and speak out to him. Jun turned and the spell just for Yuzuru was broken, but the one on the whole arena was still there, still keeping them captivated as they watched the teenager perform so maturely. His spin was light and beautiful and he looked so natural as he glided around the rink. It was almost as if the music had been written, just now, right now, just for him. Yuzuru couldn’t hold back his tears as Jun did his extra low hydroblade, torso nearly touching the ice as he did it. The delayed single axel at the end had most of the audience on their feet, cheering for him. The final Ina Bauer and spin brought everyone else up, Canadian flags waving all around the rink for him. The final spin fitted so beautifully to the music, and there was a moment of perfect silence after the music ended when no one wanted to move in case they disturbed the beauty.

It was Saya who started the clapping for her nephew, with Laura joining in, followed by the rest of the family. Jun bowed to the audience with a shy smile before he reached out and pointed just to his family, directing a bow to them too. The person in control of the spotlights followed him and lit them up, and Javier and Yuzuru waved to the crowds shyly as Jun stepped off, making way for Rika.

Yuzuru had no words when they met up with him again. He pulled Jun into a hug, tears running down his face as he rubbed his son’s back lightly.

“That was beautiful.” Javier said softly, pulling both his husband and son into a hug. “We were speechless. It was… Wow.”

“I couldn’t do it alone.” Jun admitted and he smiled at Yuzuru’s mother. Yuzuru gasped.

“You did it?”

“Who else has access to your initial sketches for the costume and the music?” she chuckled. “You have to admit, that was flawless.”

“That was how I imagined it whenever I went out to skate it.” Yuzuru said softly, kissing Jun’s cheek. “You have so much talent. I’m so very proud of you Jun.”

The trio spent a few more days in Japan where Jun did interviews for more of the press as well as got to enjoy his father’s home country. He sent Nam a photo of him and Saya slurping noodles together at a ramen restaurant, and Laura couldn’t stop herself taking a photo of him under cherry tree. There weren’t any blossoms, but “spring will come!” she told him. The day they had to part was tearful, and Yuzuru’s and Javier’s mothers didn’t want to let go of their grandson. Yuzuru’s father patted him and whispered something to him which made him smile and nod, and Javier’s father hugged him and ruffled his hair. Saya and Laura showered him in kisses and cuddles, and, for the first few days back in Canada, Jun really missed the family. The family eventually returned to a normal, ish, routine. Jun’s ankle kept him off the ice for a little bit, but he still did off ice work at the club, and he was getting to be much better with crutches. He also missed Joseph and Conrad too much to stay away from the club for very long. The lounge in the club was also a good place for him to get on with all his missed work; he’d got an A on his ventilation presentation. Tracy also knew way more about random subjects than Jun had ever considered that she would.

Jun typed away at an essay on Shakespeare, humming along to his programme music on his earphones when his stomach rumbled loudly. He saved his analysis of Romeo’s character, having become very familiar with him over the course of the season, and closed his laptop lid with a smile.

“See you tomorrow for your first on ice training again!” Tracy said, waving to him as he left the club slowly on his crutches. Javier was coaching and Yuzuru was helping the students with his choreography.

Jun hummed along to the BTS album on his phone, mouthing some of the Korean as he slowly made his way home on crutches. The Canadian ladies waved him over and gave him a box of fox shaped cookies to take home with him, and he thanked them profusely with smiles. Jun had become himself much more since the NHK trophy, and he let himself relax. He’d fought through this, and he’d transcended it. The worst part was over, he was through to the final, and he would fight tooth and nail to prove that he deserved his spot with them. The federation had asked if he intended to withdraw, but he and Brian had decided that he would go, partially just for the experience.

Jun waited at the traffic lights near his home; he could see the apartment block from where he was, when he heard the screeching of tyres on tarmac. He looked up and only had time to widen his eyes and gasp before the car crashed straight into him.

Javier had a very long day of coaching planned, and so Yuzuru was the first to head home. He opened the door and petted Sofia’s furry head gently with a smile.

“Hello Kitty,” he mumbled in Japanese, kissing her ears lightly. “How was your day? Did you enjoy sleeping on Javi’s laptop again?”

She purred at him, rubbing up against his hand. Yuzuru chuckled when a note attached to her collar drew his attention.

“What’s this huh?” He untied the ribbon connecting the note to her collar and unfolded it.

_Yuzuru Hanyu and Javier Fernandez,_

_Do not contact the police. If you do, your son will be killed instantly. We have him, and he is not in a good way. If you get here in time, he may just live, but that depends on you. Get to the bunker before six pm or your son will die. We will discuss our demands then._

Yuzuru reread the note three, four, five times, before he looked at the clock. Half past five in the evening. He hastily typed the address into his phone. It wasn’t far for him. Without thinking, he picked up his bag and ran out of the door.

Sofia mewed after him, the note lying forgotten on the floor next to her.

When Javier got home at half past six, he expected to find his husband and son at home, laughing or watching some trashy show. He didn’t expect to find his cat mewing pathetically at the door next to a note. Yuzuru wasn’t answering his phone, and dread had settled into his stomach firmly. With shaky hands, he called Brian and Tracy before he set off towards a bunker.


	15. Going in without hesitation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> To say Yuzuru was scared was an understatement. His legs shook as he forced himself to follow the directions on his phone. Although it was mostly underground, Yuzuru felt tiny stood outside the bunker, bag held firmly by his side, and he swallowed down as much of his fear as he could.
> 
> For Jun. He told himself.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We're down to the last few chapters now! Thank you so much to everyone who has stuck with the story up to this point; I'm sorry it's been so angsty! (It doesn't get better in this chapter)
> 
> Warnings for everything in this chapter!
> 
> Thank you to everyone who has been inspiring to write this; this is dedicated to all of you xx

To say Yuzuru was scared was an understatement. His legs shook as he forced himself to follow the directions on his phone. Although it was mostly underground, Yuzuru felt tiny stood outside the bunker, bag held firmly by his side, and he swallowed down as much of his fear as he could.

 _For Jun._ He told himself. He knocked on the door, other hand squeezing Pooh’s nose in his bag. A slot opened at eye level for him and he was greeted by a pair of blue eyes back.

“Yes?”

Yuzuru narrowed his eyes at the man. “My son.”

“Ah, Mister Hanyu-Fernandez, we’ve been expecting you.” The door opened and Yuzuru was greeted by a man in a balaclava. “Please, come in. You’re just in time.” He held up his phone to show the time

_17:59_

Yuzuru was led deeper into the bunker and the door was closed behind him. He swallowed his fear down again as he was half dragged down a short corridor into a large room.

Yuzuru felt instantly sick and he had to hold back the urge to vomit. There, tied to a chair in the centre of the room, was Jun. His head was dropped back so that Yuzuru could clearly see his face. One side of his face and neck was completely covered in blood, but, to Yuzuru’s minor relief, his chest was moving shallowly. Yuzuru made a move to run to him, hug him, cup his face with his hands, but the two men in balaclavas blocked his way.

“We have some demands first.” One of them gestured to the seat behind Yuzuru. “Sit down Mister Hanyu.”

“I want to see my son.” Yuzuru said firmly. One of the men pulled a gun out and aimed it at Jun’s unconscious body.

“Sit down Mister Hanyu.” The man repeated. Yuzuru swallowed and sat down on the edge of the seat, looking past the man to Jun.

“So Mister Hanyu, it’s time that your influence in the sport ended. This one,” he pointed the gun at Jun again and Yuzuru flinched, “has been getting very high scores this season. End your influence and get him the scores he deserves. Or better still: remove him from competitions. I never want to see your son on the podium again, clear?”

Yuzuru looked at the men, stunned. “That’s what this is about? He’s doing well and people can’t accept that so they’re attacking him online and now in person?”

“He’s not doing well. He’s using his influence to win. He under rotates so much and his programmes haven’t properly been clean this season.”

“That doesn’t mean you should try to kill him!” Yuzuru shouted.

“Get him off the podium or he will die.” The man said simply, smirking at Yuzuru. The gun remained trained on Yuzuru as the man walked over to the unconscious Jun and cupped his cheek. “He is cute. Maybe I’ll keep him here. It would be a shame to kill someone so pretty.”

“Get off him.” Yuzuru hissed, standing up only to have the other man force him back into his seat. “Get off him now!”

“Agree and I will.”

“You know how illegal this is, right?”

“Oh, absolutely. Now,” he placed the gun against Jun’s head and Yuzuru’s heart stopped, “do we have a deal?”

“I-I….” Yuzuru’s eyes filled up with tears. Jun would hate him forever if he told him he couldn’t skate anymore, but he couldn’t be the reason his child died.

“Tick tock tick tock Mister Hanyu. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to save his life.”

Yuzuru wiped at his eyes, taking Pooh from his bag to get a tissue. He choked on his words as he started to talk. “I acc—”

Knocking on the bunker door suddenly stole the attention of everyone in the room, cutting him off.

“Yuzuru?” _Javier._ Yuzuru stole a glance at the attackers as his husband spoke again.  “Yuzuru, are you there? Jun? Jun Hwan? Yuzuru, please, if you’re there, say something! Anything! Quierdo, please!” Yuzuru looked at the men before he took a chance.

“Run Javi! Get someone! Anyone! They have Jun and they’re trying to kill hi—” A hand covered his mouth quickly, but the damage was done. Yuzuru prayed that Javier would get help in time, and he heard sirens start to get louder and louder. He struggled against the man holding him, fighting against the arm blocking his arms and the hand cutting off his voice.

“This is the police! We have the entrance surrounded! Come out with your hands up and let the hostage go! We have you surrounded, so there is no point in resisting!”

The men exchanged a look before one met Yuzuru’s eyes dead on. “I told you what would happen if you got the police.” He snarled before he casually walked back over to Jun. The teenager was half conscious now, looking around the room very blearily through half opened eyes as the wound on the side of his head reopened. Jun let his head fall forwards, coughing quietly as he fought for breath.

“Dad?” he whispered, confused. The man in the balaclava placed the gun against his temple and cocked it. “Dad, is that you? What’s going on?”

The man grabbed Jun’s hair and pulled his head back painfully. Jun groaned in pain, not conscious enough to understand anything. “Any last words kid?” The man half spat in Jun’s face.

Jun looked up in confusion, eyes half clouded over. He took in the man, and they slowly drifted to the gun pressed hard against his temple. They then darted around the room before they locked with Yuzuru’s.

“I love you Dad.” He said, barely loud enough for Yuzuru to hear him. “I love you so much Dad, thank you. Thank you for everything.”

Yuzuru pushed the other man off him with a surge of adrenaline, and he ran across the room, pulling on the man’s arm just as the gun went off. The door was kicked in and police officers poured in along with Brian, Tracy, and Javier. Yuzuru collapsed by Jun as medical staff surrounded the pair of them. Javier fell to his knees beside Yuzuru as a second shot sounded and Jun slumped forwards in the chair, the ropes around him stopping him from collapsing onto the floor. A red stain blossomed on Yuzuru’s white shirt like a cruel rose, staining the fabric as the Japanese man’s eyes fluttered with the effort of keeping them open.

“Yuzuru, Yuzuru please, please quierdo, stay with me, stay with me,” Javier begged, holding his hand tightly. Yuzuru weakly raised a blood-stained hand to cup Javier’s cheek.

“Get Jun,” he whispered weakly before he slumped against Javier’s chest. “Ai…Aishi…Aishiteru….”

A doctor carefully picked up Yuzuru’s unconscious form from Javier, and he turned to his child. His heart dropped when he spotted the red stain spreading across his old hoodie Jun had stolen. Javier’s fingers trembled and slipped as he struggled to untie the ropes. A police officer cut the ropes for him and Javier held Jun close, biting his lip hard to hold back in his tears as he heard his son’s shallow and laboured breathing.

“Get this man to the ambulance now! Now! And the kid needs urgent medical attention, stat!”

“Oh kid, no, come on, I need oxygen now! This kid’s having a fucking asthma attack!”

“Are you kidding me?”

“He probably has a bullet in his lung; I’m not surprised. Oxygen, now!”

It took two police officers to hold Javier off Jun so that the medical staff could move him to the ambulance. They gave Javier a sympathetic, pitying look. Javier slumped to the ground, sobbing and shaking as the ambulances drove away. Tracy sat beside him and just hugged him tightly, not saying a word. The police officer had a quiet chat with Brian and Javier finally pulled back from Tracy.

“They… I… Why?”

“I don’t know,” Tracy rubbed his arm gently, tears running down her cheeks too. Javier pressed the relatively clean heels of his hands to his eyes to try and hold back the tears; a mix of Yuzuru and Jun’s blood was staining his fingers.

“My baby and my husband… I have to go and see them.”

“First you have to get changed. You have blood all over you,” Tracy pointed out as Brian came over with the officer.

“Mister Fernandez?” Javier looked up, “Do you have any idea what caused this?”

Javier handed over the note with a trembling but shook his head as he tried to keep himself together. “This is all I know. Please… Please tell me my son will be okay…”

“I’m not a doctor, Mister Fernandez, I can’t promise you that.”

The police officers drove off and Brian looped an arm around Javier’s waist. Tracy scooped up Yuzuru’s bag as well as Pooh, Yeou, and Jun’s skating bag from the ground before they walked slowly back to Javier’s apartment. Tracy eventually managed to convince Javier to have a shower, and, as he was out of the room, she and Brian sat down together on the family’s cream sofa. Sofia crawled up onto Tracy’s lap, demanding cuddles as she hadn’t had any from Yuzuru, none from Javier either, and she hadn’t seen Jun since he left early in the morning.

“It’s horrible,” Brian said, shaking his head. “It’s… I… I’m struggling to understand why any of this happened.”

“I don’t know either.” Tracy admitted softly. “But all we can do is support Javier now. He needs us more than ever.”

Javier emerged from his and Yuzuru’s bedroom wearing new clothes and carrying a very grubby and slightly bloodstained Pooh and Yeou under his arm. With a weak nod to Brian and Tracy, the trio set off towards hospital with Tracy driving.

“What do you mean I can’t see them?” Javier asked angrily at the front desk, Spanish accent coming through much stronger than normal due to exhaustion and his high running emotions. “They’re my husband and my child.”

“That may be so Sir, but they’re both in a critical condition at the moment. We’re doing all we can right now and we can’t have people in there. Please, feel free to wait here until someone can see you.”

Javier slumped into a chair in the waiting room as Brian and Tracy called their partners to tell them a little of what happened. He flicked through a magazine, tried to play on his phone, but his mind kept on wandering back to what he’d seen. Brian handed him a cup of coffee from the vending machine and he forced himself to drink it slowly.

 _No father should ever see that,_ Javier thought to himself, shaking his head, _no, no father should ever have to see their kid tied to a chair looking half dead, and having just been shot. No father should ever have to watch their kid suffer like that. And no husband should ever have to see his husband fight on a guy with a gun to save their kid. This world is better than this, isn’t it?_

_Or is it Javier? This probably only happened because of the scores Jun’s been getting. They’ve been fair but people haven’t seen it that way. Because he isn’t their favourite, they’re calling him over scored, and now he could—_

_Don’t think things like that. He’s not going to have died. Yuzuru neither. Brian has too much hair for them to have died. They need to live. They have so much left to give to the world. They have so much still to give to the sport. They have so much still to give to their family. They have to live._

_I need them to live._


	16. Javier alone

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hours later, or that’s what it felt like to Javier, someone finally emerged from the wing. Javier raised an eyebrow as Brian and Tracy moved closer to him.
> 
> “Mister Hanyu-Fernande—"
> 
> “That’s me.” Javier said quickly, sitting bolt upright. “What’s going on?”
> 
> The nurse swallowed thickly and looked down at his notes. “It’s uh… Well… Um…”
> 
> “The facts.” Brian said firmly, hand resting lightly on Javier’s back. “Please, just tell us what’s going on.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Second chapter of the day again! There are only a few chapters more to go (they are all written now so there is no changing anyone's fate). I cried while writing these last chapters so.... Yeah. Sorry.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading this and supporting me and my ridiculous story. Enjoy (?) this chapter xx

Hours later, or that’s what it felt like to Javier, someone finally emerged from the wing. Javier raised an eyebrow as Brian and Tracy moved closer to him.

“Mister Hanyu-Fernande—"

“That’s me.” Javier said quickly, sitting bolt upright. “What’s going on?”

The nurse swallowed thickly and looked down at his notes. “It’s uh… Well… Um…”

“The facts.” Brian said firmly, hand resting lightly on Javier’s back. “Please, just tell us what’s going on.”

The nurse nodded again, looking down sadly. “I uh… I’m sorry, but your husband isn’t in a good way. The bullet hit a vital artery and they’re still fighting to save his life. If he survives the operation, we have no idea what could happen.”

Brain’s hand on Javier’s back kept him grounded as it felt like the rest of his world was crumbling around him. Javier nodded slowly before he looked up.

“And… And my son?”

“He’s… I… God, Mister Hanyu-Fernandez, I’m so sorry, he’s stable but in a coma. There’s no telling if or when he might wake up. The bullet hit his lung badly and so, if he were to wake up, he most likely wouldn’t be able to compete again. Combined with his asthma, if he tried to make it through a programme, he would most likely end up collapsing before the end.”

Javier gave the nurse a weak nod and thanked him. When he walked away, Javier leaned his head on his knees, shaking and sobbing. Tracy pulled him into a hug, rubbing his back soothingly as Brian rubbed his back too.

“Y-Yuzu… Jun… M-my… m-my…”

“I know,” Tracy said through tears softly. “I know…”

“I’ve… I should… I should tell the family…”

“It can wait,” Brian said firmly. “You…” Brian nodded to the double doors shutting them out of the wing, “You should…”

Javier nodded and he stood up, holding Pooh and Yeou tightly in his arms. Tracy opened the double doors for him, and Javier took a deep breath before he stepped into the ward.

It was hell. Javier hadn’t actually been back to a hospital properly since Jun had been born. He kept his head down as one of the nurses flitting around the ward led them towards the private room set apart for the family. Rows and rows of beds with machines beeping wildly in the intensive care unit brought Javier out into a cold sweat, and Brian placed a hand firmly on his shoulder to keep him going forwards. The nurse stopped outside a door for them and gave Javier a very sad smile.

“Here you are sir. Only one of them is in there at the moment. The other is still… Uh…”

“Thank you,” Javier said softly, giving her a little smile. She left to give them some privacy as Javier slowly opened the door to the private room.

_“He’s so tiny,” Yuzuru whispered to Javier as they watched Jun twist and turn in the incubator, tubes covering him. “What the tubes for?”_

_“Like… Um… Oxygen to help him breathe, and some nutrients. And some antibiotics and stuff to make sure he’s healthy.”_

_“Poor thing,” Yuzuru mumbled, pressing his finger against the glass of the incubator. “He’s more tube than child.”_

Javier’s knees buckled at the sight of Jun. The teenager was covered in tubes: an oxygen mask was covering his nose and mouth, an IV line and a drip were supplying him with fluids and medicine, and Javier didn’t even want to look at the red bag of blood going into his son’s arm.  The bandage around his head covered most of his hair, and Javier sat down carefully in the seat next to him, squeezing his hand that didn’t have the IV tubes.

“ _Hey Sweetheart_ ,” Javier said softly in Spanish, rubbing the back of Jun’s hand with his thumb. “ _God, what did you do to deserve this? No, nothing. You didn’t deserve this. I’m sorry we couldn’t protect you, Sweetheart. I—_ ” Javier choked up and Tracy placed a gentle hand on his shoulder. “ _I’m sorry. For… For everything. I… I think this is our fault. I’m so sorry you got hurt like this and I will be here to support you no matter what happens. Always. A-always….”_

Javier trailed off as he dissolved into tears. Jun didn’t move at all and, if there wasn’t a machine beeping softly and regularly in the background, he would have thought he was dead. His skin was unusually pale, and Javier lightly moved some of the hair out of his eyes, frowning at the visible sections of the wound running down his cheek. His modelling career was over as well as his figure skating one with a scar like that. Javier kissed his cheek lightly, tears dropping onto them too.

“I’m sorry sir,” the nurse in the doorway gave the group the gentlest smile she could, “visiting hours are over. I’m sorry, I’ll have to ask you to leave.”

“My husband…” Javier looked across the room at the empty space where the other bed was meant to be.

“He’s still in surgery sir. I’m sorry…”

“Come on Javier,” Brian said gently. “You can have tomorrow off if you want.”

“No.” Javier said firmly. “No, no, God no, I need to go in tomorrow. If I don’t, I’ll let the juniors down and I’ll just be spending the whole time worrying. I need the distraction.”

Javier placed Yeou on Jun’s bedside table and kissed his forehead again. “I love you so much. Please keep fighting for me.”

He then placed Pooh on the table on the other side of the room and squatted down so that he was looking at it eye to eye. He spoke quietly in Japanese to Pooh like Yuzuru had done oh so many times.

“ _Alright Pooh, you and I haven’t got on very well in the past, but I need your help now. Please, please watch over Yuzuru and make sure he’s okay. And please watch over Jun too. Yeou is there for him, but he’s still very new at protecting my baby. You’ve been doing it for seventeen years. Please…. Please make sure they’re okay. I… I can’t live without them.”_

Tracy placed an arm around his shoulder and she and Brian led Javier out of the hospital and into the cold November air of Toronto. The three walked to Tracy’s car slowly together and Javier kept looking back over his shoulder towards the hospital.

“It’s okay,” Brian said softly as they sat in the back of Tracy’s car. “It’s… Seriously, if you need time, just tell me at any time and I’ll adjust the schedule. And please, don’t forget that Tracy and I are here for you always, okay?”

Javier nodded, running a hand through his hair. “I know. Thank you, both of you.”

Tracy pulled up outside his apartment and turned around in her seat. “Will you be okay? Would you rather stay over with one of us?”

“No, it’s okay,” Javier said as he unbuckled his seatbelt and opened the car door. “Thank you, both of you, thank you. I’ll uh… I’ll see you tomorrow. I need to make sure Sofia hasn’t destroyed the house.”

Tracy smiled weakly and squeezed his hand gently. “Of course Javier. See you tomorrow.”

Javier waved them off before he turned to the apartment block and swallowed thickly. Shaking his head, he trudged up the stairs to their apartment and unlocked the door with a heavy heart. He pushed open the door with a sigh, only to freeze again in the doorway.

Sofia had gotten into the display cabinet with the medals in and had knocked several out. She was curled up on the floor with Yuzuru’s Sochi and PyeongChang golds around her neck. She spotted Javier and ran over to him with a loud purr. The medals clicked against each other and she nuzzled up against Javier’s hand softly. The Spaniard took the medals off her and smiled sadly.

“Hola Princesa.” He mumbled as he scooped her up. He picked up the other medals as well: his own Olympic medal, Jun’s Autumn Classic medal, his seventh European championship gold, and Yuuru’s Helsinki Worlds gold. Javier placed them back into the cabinet carefully, looking up Yuzuru’s shelf with a lump in his throat. The two Olympic golds were heavy in his hands and Sofia placed a paw on his arm in comfort. Javier held the golds tighter to his chest along with Sofia, crying into his cat’s fluffy body.

“W-what… W-what if… Sofia… What if he…”

She meowed at him softly and nuzzled up against his cheek. Javier sniffed quietly and wiped at his eyes with the back of his hand. He placed the golds carefully back into the display cabinet and held Sofia tighter.

“They’ll be okay, won’t they Sofia?” He mumbled in Spanish. “They’ll… They’re both very strong. They will fight so hard to get through this, and, and, and, oh God.” A fresh wave of tears hit him and he hid his face back into her soft fluffy fur. “I-I can’t Sofia… Jun… Jun’s career is over basically, and he can’t be a model either because of his scar. I…” Javier shook his head and kissed her gently on the top of her head. “He’s… When he wakes up his whole life will be upside down.”

Sofia just nuzzled up against Javier, looking up at him with big brown eyes. Javier chuckled wetly through his tears and kissed her again.

“Right. I have to support him and help him through this. I have to help him make his own choice and get through every problem that he has. I’m his dad. I will support him through everything.”

Sofia purred and curled up in Javier’s arms, comforting him in the only way she knew how to. Javier held her tightly as he thought about everything going on.

_“Javi look!” Yuzuru grinned as their baby cautiously skated around the rink. Jun was wobbling a little but he didn’t fall over, and he soon got the hang of it properly. “He’s a natural!” Yuzuru proclaimed to the whole club._

_“Yes he is!” Tracy picked him up, mindful of his skates with a grin. “He’ll be a champion one day, I know he will. Won’t you Jun Jun?”_

_Jun giggled and hugged her gently. “Auntie Tracy! Auntie Tracy! Please teach me spins!”_

_“Someone who wants to do spin practice?” Tracy eyed her actual students as well as Yuzuru and Javier with a chuckle. “Can I just start him on actual lessons now please?”_

_“Maybe,” Javier chuckled, taking Jun back, “what do you think Sweetheart? Do you want to be a skater?”_

_“Yes!” Jun nodded enthusiastically. “I want to win gold medals like you and Dad! I want to break records and and and be the bestest skater in Canada ever!”_

_Tracy ruffled his hair lightly and smiled. “You have the talent to make it big if you put the work in, you know.”_

_“Is that meant to be a subtle stab at us?” Javier said with a pout. Yuzuru laughed and stole Jun, tickling his stomach lightly._

“He…” Javier wiped his eyes again. “He… He wanted to be a champion. He was working so hard, and he was desperate to get to the Olympics one day, and now… Because of his fucking lungs and we worked so hard so that his asthma wouldn’t cause him problems, but now that a big chunk is missing because of some idiots with guns, his dreams are destroyed!” Anger overflowed him and he stood up abruptly, scaring Sofia. He opened the door to Jun’s room and froze.

There, on his desk, his bed, his pinboard, everywhere, were hundreds of notes written in a multitude of languages. Javier picked one up gingerly.

_Remember what I told you_

He picked up another, wading through them to get into his son’s room. All of them said the same thing, just in a multitude of languages. Javier picked up the envelope on Jun’s desk and opened the letter.

_Dear Yuzuru Hanyu and Javier Fernandez,_

_If you are reading this, it means that your son is not at home with you. He is therefore most likely dead. It’s time you got an explanation as to why._

_Jun Hwan Hanyu-Fernandez has been getting too many points for someone straight out of Juniors. Several fans of the sport have been getting increasingly frustrated, and so I decided to tell your son what we wanted from him. He didn’t listen, however, and he kept on getting scores he didn’t deserve. I reminded him with extra notes throughout the season but they didn’t seem to do anything. So we took it into our own hands and we took him to give you two some incentive to tell the judges to stop scoring him badly. Clearly it didn’t go very well and so your son ended up dead. Our condolences, but the sport is better off this way._

Javier dropped the note on Jun’s desk and all but ran out of the room, slamming the door shut before he curled up on the sofa and started to cry again.


	17. Everything changes

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Yuzuru”
> 
> “Yuzuru Hanyu”
> 
> Yuzuru tried to open his eyes but the effort was so huge. He couldn’t open them, no matter how hard he tried.
> 
> “Yuzuru, don’t worry about opening your eyes.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning for medical stuff. Thank you for reading and enjoy x

_“Yuzuru”_

_“Yuzuru Hanyu”_

_Yuzuru tried to open his eyes but the effort was so huge. He couldn’t open them, no matter how hard he tried._

_“Yuzuru, don’t worry about opening your eyes.”_

_“But I need to if I’m going to see Javi again,” Yuzuru reasoned with himself, but his eyes fluttered open. Around him were family members he recognised with a smile. His grandfather, his grandmother, aunts and uncles, and family who went way, way back. “What are you all doing here?”_

_Yuzuru’s grandmother took his hand very carefully and smiled gently. “It’s time to let go Yuzuru. You’ve been so brave, and your family is so proud of you. It’s time for you to come with us now, though. I know it isn’t fair on the living, but the prettiest flowers get picked first.”_

_Yuzuru turned to look behind him, but his grandfather cupped his chin and kept him looking forwards. “Don’t look back, Yuzuru. Don’t ever look back. Look forwards and be proud of everything your family does in the future.”_

Javier was holding Yuzuru’s hand gently, rubbing the back of it with his thumb lightly, when the machines started beeping frantically and wildly. He’d come out of surgery during the night and his situation was being monitored to maintain and ensure a stable condition. Doctors and nurses ran into the room and Javier was politely shoved out into the hallway.

“Shit, shit shit shit shit! We’re losing him! Get me the defibrillator now!”

“Clear!”

The wild beeping didn’t stop and Javier’s knuckles turned white as he slid down the door, trying not to cry.

“Clear!”

The beeping still didn’t stop.

“Clear!”

“No no no, come on! One more try!”

“There’s no point,”

“Shut the hell up and just do it! Clear!”

A loud, constant beep came out of the room. Javier had watched enough medical programmes with Yuzuru to know what had happened. He sobbed into his hand, shaking his head.

The doctor of both Yuzuru and Jun stepped out into the hallway and sighed to Javier with sad eyes.

“I’m sorry—”

“You did all you could.” Javier mumbled sadly. The doctor nodded towards the room.

“We can give you some privacy if you want. I uh… I have a proposition for you. It’s a little insensitive.”

“What is it?” Javier asked, tilting his head to one side. The doctor sighed.

“Your son’s career could be saved if we swapped his incomplete lung for one of your husband’s. Normally we wouldn’t do this, but, as you are family…”

Javier nodded immediately. “Please. Please, please give him every chance you can in life.”

The doctor nodded, and smiled a little sadly. “I’m sorry again Sir. This is one of the worst parts of the job. The only part worse than this is—”

“Telling new parents that their baby didn’t make it…” Javier finished as the door to the room opened. “We very nearly got that. He…” he looked over at where Jun lay still and pale. “he wasn’t the healthiest baby. God knows, he’s struggled so much in life. We just want him to succeed.”

The doctor allowed Javier some time and space with Yuzuru. The Spaniard sat down next to his husband with tears burning in his eyes. His husband looked calm and serene, skin as cold as if he’d been lying on the ice. Javier bit his lip hard as tears ran down his face, falling onto the hospital blanket.

“Y-Yuzu… Y-Yuzu, I’m… God, I’m sorry… I’m so sorry that we couldn’t do everything we planned to do together. I-I’m so sorry t-that we never got to properly go to Spain. I never got to treat you to churros, or… or take you to swim in the Mediterranean. And you never got to treat me to Ghana hot chocolate and and so much else.” Javier babbled as he held his husband’s hand tightly. “I’m sorry Yuzu. I don’t know if you’d approve or not, but I… I said that we could try and save Jun’s career with your lung. I hope you don’t mind, but I… Well, I thought you’d choose that.” He kissed Yuzuru’s cheek gently, wiping at his eyes and sniffing. “I love you Yuzuru. A day will never go by where I don’t miss you.”

Yuzuru’s body was taken out of the room and Javier sobbed as Jun was taken into an operating theatre. He phoned Brian and explained through tears what had happened. His old coaches made their way to the hospital and they hugged him tightly, Tracy especially.

“He’s really…?” Brian asked in a whisper. Javier nodded, wiping at his eyes.

“Y-yeah… I… I don’t know how I’ll do this without him. I’ve always had him by my side.”

Tracy rubbed his back in comfort, silent tears running down her cheeks, when Jun’s doctor stepped out into the waiting room.

“Mister Hanyu-Fernandez?” He asked softly. The name _hurt_ but Javier nodded anyway, standing up and wiping his eyes with a little smile.

“Yes?”

“The operation was a success. Your son hopefully should be waking up soon, but we’re not entirely sure when. Hopefully by the end of the week.” Javier almost collapsed with relief. “We’d suggest that he at the very least takes the rest of this season off to recover from everything.”

Javier hugged the doctor tightly, thanking him over and over again in Spanish. The doctor led him into Jun’s room before he gave the father and child some space.

Jun’s face had more colour to it than before, and he didn’t need blood transfusions anymore. Javier picked up his hand and it felt much warmer than it had done previously.

“Hi Sweetheart,” he mumbled, kissing Jun’s forehead. “My poor baby. My poor soldier. You’ve worked so hard and suffered so much. Soon, soon you’ll be back with me. And I swear to you that I will never ever let you go again. I will do everything within my power to keep you safe.”

Brian knocked on the door and Javier smiled when he and Tracy came in. They sat around Jun’s bed, and Javier gestured for them to talk.

“Hi Jun,” Brian started, “don’t you worry about a thing. We’ll sort everything out. You just focus on getting better for us. We’re so proud of you.”

“Hey there Jun,” Tracy rubbed at her eyes quickly. “My goodness, we miss you so much at the club. Please wake up soon; I think your dad and cat really really miss you.”

Javier frowned slightly and gestured to Brian that he wanted to talk outside. They left Tracy by Jun’s bedside to talk in the corridor.

“Jun’s been harassed.”

“Come again?”

Javier showed him a photo of the sheer number of notes that were on Jun’s floor and the letter addressed to him and Yuzuru. Brian gasped and shook his head, covering his mouth with a pained expression.

“So that’s why he was so withdraw throughout the season.”

Javier’s heart dropped. “He didn’t want us to worry about it, so he didn’t tell us.”

“He didn’t want anyone else to get blamed for it.”

“Oh Jun… If… If he’d just told us—”

“There’s no point saying stuff like that Javier. This is where we are now. We have to work from here. Get the police involved and get anyone who had anything to do with it arrested. Once Jun is stronger, you can ask him about it then.”

“How do you always know what to say and do Brian?”

“Because I’ve been a coach for longer than you have?”

Javier chuckled lightly and hugged Brian tightly, face half buried in his shoulder.

“Thank you.”

“There’s no need to thank me Javier.”

“That was really good,” Javier said with a smile to one of the youngsters at the club who had just landed his first double salchow. “You looked so happy doing it too.”

“The salchow is my favourite!” the kid announced as he and Javier slipped their blade guards on together. The coach smiled and nodded enthusiastically.

“Mine too! Gosh, when I was your age, I jumped salchows so much my mother joked about changing my name to Ulrich!”

He giggled and waved goodbye to Javier as he ran across the room to his mother, hugging her tightly. Javier’s smile dimmed a little as he packed up his bag. He knocked lightly on Brian’s open office door and caught his old coach with a mouthful of chocolate.

“I was just going to say I’m going now, but you seem a little preoccupied, so uh, yeah, I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Brian swallowed and laughed a little, shaking his head. “Oh, don’t you dare use my same words against me Javier. The circumstances are completely different. You interrupted me when I was eating a snack, and I interrupted you in the middle of—”

“We don’t need to relive that!” Javier said quickly, ears turning red as he laughed lightly. “I’ll see you tomorrow, yeah?”

“See you Javi!” Brian said before he stopped. “Do you want—”

“No,” Javier shook his head quickly, “no no, I’ll be alright, don’t worry. Thanks though.”

Javier walked from the rink towards the hospital, pulling his coat tighter around himself as he walked through the frigid, December Toronto air. He pulled his scarf tighter around himself, breath condensing in front of him as he walked slowly. He focused on the soft chirping of the birds, sitting on the empty branches of one of the maple trees that lined the edges of the park by the club. A robin landed on his shoulder and Javier smiled sadly at it, carrying it with him all the way to the hospital. It flew off back towards the park as Javier made his way into the building. He followed the familiar route up to floor three, through the double doors, and onto room five on the left. Jun was lying there like normal, and Javier sat down next to him, taking his hand.

“Hi Sweetheart,” he said in Spanish as he tucked the tattered fox toy back into bed. “How are you doing? Miss me? I’ve missed you a lot.” He brushed Jun’s hair out of his eyes again; the bandage had come off the day before. The huge scar running from his temple to level with the bottom of his nose pained Javier and he couldn’t bring himself to look at it. “I helped a kid land his first double salchow today. It was the best feeling you know, watching his smile as he realised what he’d done. Do you remember when you landed your first double salchow? You lit up and hugged Brian so tightly. You then had to drag me over to show me and I was so happy. The height on it was amazing. I knew at that moment that you’d have a lovely quadruple salchow. Every time you landed a jump it made our hearts soar.”

He paused for a moment before he squeezed Jun’s hand lightly. “Conrad and Joseph were asking if you’re okay. Brian and Tracy haven’t told them about what happened, so they just told them that you’re ill. They miss you so much at the club.” He pressed a kiss to his cheek sadly. “Please come back to us soon Baby. I miss you so much. We all do. It’s like the sun has been dimmed a little.”

He glanced up at the clock before he kept talking, chewing his lip lightly. “Michal won the Grand Prix Final, and Nam won silver. Nam said in the press conference that he felt you should have been there too, and he dedicated his medal to you. He said he really misses you and can’t wait until he sees you again. The Canadian federation asked after you, and Brian said you wouldn’t be competing for the rest of the season. I hope that’s okay, but we didn’t… We weren’t sure if you’d be able to go to Nationals so… We also wanted to give you time to recover.”

“Mister Hanyu-Fernandez?” The nurse poked her head into the room. Javier stood up and kissed Jun’s forehead gently. “I love you. I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Jun’s eyes fluttered open and Javier’s heart stopped for a full second. The nurse gasped, and Jun’s eyes looked around the room blearily before they paused on Javier.

“Papa?” he asked weakly, voice hoarse and muffled by the oxygen mask. Javier collapsed to his knees and held Jun’s hand tightly, tears running down his cheeks.

“Jun…” his voice cracked as he sobbed. “Jun… Oh Jun…”

“Papa, where am I?” he asked quietly.

“How much can you remember?” The nurse asked gently as she helped Javier back into the chair. “I’ll go and get your doctor.”

“Um…” Ju’s nose wrinkled a little as he thought. “I… I remember my Romeo essay? I remember stopping and chatting to the Korean ladies. They gave me cookies? I think? I don’t remember much after that. Oh! No, I remember hearing Dad at one point. He was… I can’t remember what he said. He looked really scared though.” Jun turned to Javier with a soft smile. “Please don’t cry Papa.”

Javier pulled him into a hug, mindful of the tubes and everything and he buried his face in Jun’s shoulder. He rubbed his son’s back, unable to hold his tears of every emotion in. Jun hugged him back tightly.

“Papa?” Jun asked softly. Javier looked up with a goofy smile.

“Yes Sweetheart?”

“Where’s Dad?”

Javier’s heart stopped again and he froze, words stuck in his throat. He couldn’t look Jun in the eye.

“I… Uh…”

“Mister Hanyu-Fernandez?” the doctor came in with a smile for Jun. “How are you feeling?”

“In pain,” Jun mumbled as he struggled to sit up. The doctor placed a hand gently on his shoulder to stop him.

“Where does it hurt?”

“Everywhere.”

The doctor chuckled a little as he checked Jun’s vitals. “I can imagine. We can give you a higher dose of painkillers if you’d like? You did get hurt pretty badly.”

“What happened?” Jun asked and the doctor sighed, smile slipping off.

“You had three broken ribs; hit your head pretty badly, we had to remove glass from your temple; and you had a bullet in your lung.”

“I what?” Jun whispered, eyes wide as he struggled to comprehend what he was being told. “I… How?”

“It seems as though there was an issue where you ended up shot. We as your doctors don’t really have the full facts.”

Jun’s brow furrowed as he frowned, thinking. “Does…. Does that mean I can’t skate anymore? Since my lung… And my asthma...?”

The doctor exchanged a look with Javier and he pulled a chair up next to his bed. Javier held Jun’s hand tighter as he bowed his head.

“A donor gave you a lung and saved your career.” The doctor explained. Javier rubbed his eyes before he looked up at Jun finally.

“Y-Your… Y-your… Y-your Dad… He… h-he… He was… He… The bullet…”

Jun’s eyes widened and he looked away from Javier quickly. “No… No no no no no! No, please Papa, tell me this is a horrible joke!”

Javier pulled him in for a tight hug, shaking his head. “I’m sorry. I wish… I wish this was a joke.”

Jun sobbed, hand curling into Javier’s shirt as he sobbed into his father’s shirt. “I… I can’t even remember what I last said to him… I…” he dissolved into tears, hiccupping and whimpering.

The doctor left the room to give them some privacy and Jun sniffed quietly, pulling away from Javier to look up at him.

“Is… Is it his?”

Javier nodded, cupping Jun’s cheek as he pulled him closer, kissing his cheek lightly. “He would have wanted you to keep competing. He… You… You have so much still to give the sport.”

“I can’t believe he’s gone.” Jun whispered, reaching for Yeou. Javier passed him the box and watched as his son sadly cuddled it. “He… I never got to say goodbye.”

Javier swallowed down the lump in his throat as he moved Jun’s hair out of his eyes. “I know Sweetheart. I… I want to apologise. You had to suffer so much because… b-because…”

“Don’t,” Jun mumbled. “Please, don’t blame yourself. It’s… It’s not your fault for sure. I should have said something sooner about what was happening. I just… I thought it would blow over if I ignored it. I… T-this is all my fault…”

“No,” Javier kissed his scar gently, “no, no, God no it isn’t Jun. Someone was hurting you and you didn’t want us to get hurt. You did everything for the right reasons.”

“D-dad—”

“Would most likely have done the same. He would not hate you. He could never hate you.” Javier placed a hand gently on Jun’s chest. “He’s still here with you, in your heart and in your eyes, in your jumps and spins and choreography. He’s still here and he still loves you. Everything you choose to do will make him proud, I know it.”

Jun burst into tears again and hugged Javier tightly. The nurses didn’t bother the pair, even when Javier fell asleep half on Jun’s bed with his son in his arms.


	18. Haru yo Koi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sendai Japan, April
> 
> “Please welcome to the ice, Jun Hwan Hanyu-Fernandez from Canada!”
> 
> Jun raised his arms to the home crowd with a very sad smile on his face. The material that had once given him so much freedom and happiness instead reminded him of everything he’d lost.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And so here we are! It has been a journey writing this fic, and I've considered deleting the whole thing several times, but it's now done! The ending is kind of meh and I'm not exactly completely happy with it, but it does close off the story.
> 
> Thank you so much to everyone who has been so inspiring and motivating throughout this. I don't think you guys (some people in particular know who they are) understand how much of an impact your support has had. Thank you thank you thank you for everything,
> 
> So, for one final time, enjoy (?) this chapter x

_Sendai Japan, April_

“Please welcome to the ice, Jun Hwan Hanyu-Fernandez from Canada!”

Jun raised his arms to the home crowd with a very sad smile on his face. The material that had once given him so much freedom and happiness instead reminded him of everything he’d lost.

The piano music started and Jun raised his head to the ceiling, blocking out most of the audience as he skated to Haru yo Koi again. Every movement, every change of edge or hand movement, felt painful for him mentally, but he also felt someone else guiding him through it, like when David would guide him through a choreography for the first time.

_“Aunt Saya?” Jun asked as they sat together in one of the parks of Sendai. She smiled at him as the wind moved her hair out of her face. She looked like a model to Jun._

_“Yes?”_

_“What’s the meaning of Haru yo Koi as a piece of music?”_

_Saya sighed, fiddling with a flower between her fingers idly. “It means… It means “Come, Spring,” in words, but, as a piece of music, I think it’s about how the world isn’t perfect. You can’t have the summer without the winter, you can’t have the sun without the rain, the light without the dark, and you can’t have the good times without the bad. I think…_

_“I think Haru yo Koi is one of those pieces that people need when their world is at the lowest and they need someone to remind them that good things will come again, Jun. I think that, when you perform to it, you are saying “Listen! I know that the world isn’t perfect! But things will get better I promise!” Do you… Does that make sense?”_

_Jun nodded and smiled at her, reaching for her hand. “It makes perfect sense. The world needs shades of light and dark for us to fully appreciate the beauty too.”_

_“Exactly,” Saya mumbled as cherry blossoms floated around them in the breeze. “Spring will come. Spring will always come. Always.”_

Jun relaxed into the triple loop, landing it lightly and easily. He stopped in front of one section of the audience, arm raised like a wave, just like when he’d made eye contact with Yuzuru all those months ago at the NHK trophy, and he continued the programme with renewed emotions as he entered the spin.

_“Papa,” Jun asked, leaning against the wall at the Cricket Club with his skates on. The teenager was meant to have finished an hour ago, but the puppy dog eyes he gave his father always worked, so he was allowed to stay on the ice as long as he kept out of the way of the juniors. “Papa, can I ask you something?”_

_“You just did.” Javier joked, leaning against the wall too as he skaters all went to the edge to put their blade guards on. “What’s up?”_

_“You know Dad’s exhibition skate?”_

_“Which one? I know all of them.”_

_“Haru yo Koi.”_

_“What about it?” Javier asked, raising an eyebrow._

_“What does it mean to you?”_

_Javier paused for a second and thought, fiddling with his wedding ring as he did. “It means… Well… Yeah, to me, it means his freedom. I saw it live a few times, but the time that will stay with me forever was when he performed it after winning his third World Championship title. He knew he was hanging his skates up competitively after that, and… Well, it was… I can’t even explain in Spanish how beautiful the performance was. He was perfect. He was perfect and free and happy. You can’t ever fake a happiness like that, Jun. One day I want to see you be that happy too. So yes, to me Haru yo Koi means freedom and happiness. True happiness. Why?”_

_“No reason,” Jun said with a light shrug. “I saw a video of it and thought it looked really good.”_

_“Which video?”_

_“Helsinki.”_

_Javier nodded with a little sigh. “Yeah… He was really peaking then. Shattering the world records and then skating to that. God, how did I ever deserve to marry him?”_

_“Papa! That’s not a question you should be asking me!” Jun protested with a giggle._

Jun almost floated around the rink as he skated again to the soft piano music, projecting his emotions and his skating right to the back of the huge arena. He lightly touched the ice, raising his hands closer to his chest before he spun around the rink again, gliding flawlessly. He lowered himself into the extra low hydroblade, torso once again only just above the ice.

_“Grandmother,” Jun asked in Japanese as they sat together on the balcony, watching the sunrise over the Pacific Ocean. “What does Haru yo Koi mean to you?”_

_Yuzuru’s mother glanced over at him and smiled softly, moving his hair out of his eyes. “In what way?”_

_“What… When Dad performs it, what does it mean to you?”_

_She sighed, taking his hand in her own. “It means… To me, it means he’s accomplished so much. I think to me Haru yo Koi is a grateful performance. I am grateful when I see it. He performed it after he won his second Olympic gold medal. He performed it in his final season, and I know he wouldn’t have retired if he wasn’t happy. I’m grateful that I know he is happy when he performs Haru yo Koi.”_

_“And how do you feel when you watch it?” Jun asked softly. She chuckled a little._

_“So proud. I can barely put it into words how proud I feel when I watch that programme. I’m always proud of him when he skates, of course I am, but Haru yo Koi is special to me. It’s special to him. Every aspect of the performance is what he wants to do, what he wants to show the world of skating. I’m… I’m happy he can express himself so beautifully.”_

_“I want to make you that proud with my skating one day,” Jun confessed and she kissed his cheek gently._

_“You already do.”_

Jun raised himself up from the low hydroblade and raised his arms, opening them to the audience. He threw tiny shards of ice into the air as he skated, reaching out in the audience again. He built up his speed and landed a beautiful delayed single axel. His Ina Bauer was beautiful too, soft and serene like his father’s had always been.

_This is for you Dad._

_“Dad?” Jun asked in Japanese, lying on the cream sofa with his laptop on his lap and Sofia curled up next to him. “Dad, what does Haru yo Koi mean to you?”_

_Yuzuru paused washing up to think for a second, humming a little. “Hm… I think…” He chewed his lip and swapped to Japanese. “It’s easier for me to explain it in Japanese I think.” Jun laughed a little but Yuzuru continued._

_“For me, Haru yo Koi came when I was on top of the world and I was finally free. Finally free of the winters in my head, free from the expectations to win this, win that, win the other. I could skate how I wanted to skate, and I could be exactly who I wanted to be on the ice. Haru yo Koi, to me, meant that this was it. I wanted to skate to it at the same time as Otonal and Origin because it is a part of my journey. It…” Yuzuru swallowed, wiping his eyes on his sleeve. “Everyone knows about the earthquake. It was horrible. It was terrifying. But spring did come for me. And I wanted everyone else to know spring will come for them too. It had to be in the same season as Otonal and Origin because they’re all important parts of my story. To me, Haru yo Koi means…”_

_“It means overcoming the worst parts of life to embrace the best.”_

Jun entered the final spin to the piano music and slowly raised his arms, bring his arms into his chest as if to hold the final notes and final moments of silence from his performance close to his heart forever. The audience started to clap loudly for him, and he looked up at them. All these people in his father’s home country, home city, were here to support him and all the other skaters.

“Arigatou,” he whispered as he bowed to the audience. Javier skated out to the centre of the rink to pull him into a tight hug. The audience “awwwed” as Javier rubbed the back of Jun’s head softly.

“Yuzuru would be so proud of you, you know.”

“I know. He was there, all the time. He was helping me, guiding my feet, adjusting my blades, stretching out my fingers and my emotions. I can’t skate this without him.”

Javier looped an arm around his waist as he led him away from the ice, allowing Shoma space to perform next. “I know you can’t. I told you, didn’t I, he lives in here.” He placed a hand on Jun’s heart and the youngster teared up. “You touched the hearts of everyone here today.”

Jun nodded, burying his face in Javier’s Man of La Mancha costume as he shook slightly. His father rubbed his back soothingly, smiling sadly.

“Everyone is here today because his skating touched their hearts in some way and they want to show him respect. You’ve touched their hearts too, because he’s still there in yours.”

“I’ll make him proud,” Jun promised. “I’ll make him proud and you and Brian and Tracy. I will… I won’t let him be forgotten.”

“He won’t be,” Javier tilted his head up and kissed his cheek, mindful of the scar. “He will never be forgotten, especially if we keep him in our hearts too.”

Jun nodded and he went back to the side of the rink, watching as so many other skaters paid their respects to Yuzuru through their skating in his home city.

_“The moment of my life when Haru yo Koi was most meaningful wasn’t in my last season actually. Jun, you are the living embodiment of what Haru yo Koi means to me.” Yuzuru cupped his chin and placed a kiss on his forehead. “You struggled so much at the beginning, but, when spring finally came, it was worth it. You are worth it. You are the best thing to have ever happened in our lives.”_

“I’ll make you proud Dad. I promise.”

_“I found some cute names for boys. I haven’t met him yet, so I don’t know if they will suit him, but maybe we could call him Jun Hwan?”_

_“What does it mean?” Javier asked, rubbing Yuzuru’s arms lightly._

_“Jun means talented or handsome in Korean, and Hwan means shining, lustrous, brilliant. Like a medal.”_

_Javier nodded, squeezing his hand. “That sounds perfect Yuzu.”_

_“My perfect little baby,” Yuzuru bounced around the rink with Jun in his arms and a bright smile on his face. “Look at his cute face! Tracy, come see!”_

_“Oh my goodness! He’s beautiful!” Tracy tickled Jun’s cheek lightly. “What’s his name?”_

_“Jun Hwan. Means talented and handsome, shining and lustrous and brilliant in Korean.”_

_“Like a medal?” Tracy asked._

_“Exactly. He’s our golden boy and we love him more than all the stars in the sky. He lights up our lives like something shiny and lustrous and brilliant.”_

_Tracy smiled and placed a gentle hand on Yuzuru’s shoulder. “That smile definitely could light up a room. He’ll go far in life I’m sure; he’s your son after all.”_

_Yuzuru kissed his cheek and smiled as Javier hugged him from behind._

_“We love him so much. We’ll be proud of him forever.”_

_February, 20XX_

“Gold medallist, and Olympic Champion! From Canada, Jun Hwan Hanyu-Fernandez!”

Jun jumped up on the podium, smiling and waving to the crowd. He shook hands with the officials and felt a surge of pride as the Olympic gold was placed around his neck. He kissed the medal and smiled, waving to the crowd with his bouquet of flowers.

_Remember what I told you Dad?_

_I told you I’d make you proud_


End file.
